Tales of Hey Listen!
by Colette's a Bimbo
Summary: When Link tries to travel to the Twilight not for reasons you think, our tight-wearing hero finds himself stuck in a strange world where chosens hit on ninjas, ten year olds try to kill rich businessmen, and their goddess is the sister of a gay fairy man!
1. Back to the Twilight

**Tales of Hey Listen!**

**Chapter One: Back to the Twilight**

_I swish the vanilla ice cream in my mouth. The cool, taste just makes me want to have more. I have finished half of the scrumptious ice cream bar. I'm about to take another bite of the heavenly goodness, but a blue furball goes by and steals my Klondike bar! I'm mad; no one steals my snacks. I reach for my master sword until I remember that I had returned it._

"_Hey Listen! Hey listen!" the furball calls out._

_I grit my teeth, wishing for the millionth time that I didn't return the master sword. What had been going through my mind when I did that! I remember, nothing!_

_I'm about to throw rocks at the furball, but it starts coming back to me. I rapidly take my ice cream bar back, and I'm finally about to take a bite when the furball tackles me..._

"Aaaah! Great Goddess!"

I wake up, and rub my face. I had actually felt pain when the furball had tackled me! I sigh and rub the sleep from my eyes. I look outside, past the blue fairy holding a huge pack, to see what time of the day it is. Wait! I don't have a blue fairy in my room!

My eyes find the fairy. It's a blue puffball with wings on it and it has an annoying, nagging voice.

"Hello! It's about time you wake up! I've been trying to wake you for hours!" she chirps.

I slowly get up and reach for the fly swatter nest to my desk.

"Wait, Link. What are you doing with that fly swatter?"

Within the blink of an eye, I bring the swatter down; hoping to swat the weird blue creature. To my surprise, she easily dodges it.

"Yep, you're Link all right. That's what your ancestor, Link, did when he first saw me a few thousands of years ago."

I continue to swat her, not even bothering to listen to her.

She rolls her eyes and continues, "Anyways, my name's Navi. I'm here to tell you that the Great Fairy told me to fetch you for Princess Zelda." She sighs, "The Princess Zelda of my time was so much better. She actually helped Link and me while we were trying to save the world."

I drop the fly swatter, "Wait, Princess Zelda and the Gay- I mean Great Fairy sent you, and youknew my ancestorfrom way back when?"

The fairy sighs again and answers me, "Yes, I knew your ancestor from thousands of years ago. I was his fairy, and I helped him defeat Ganandorf," I open my mouth to ask a question, but she glares at me. "After we were done with the journey, I left him thinking he didn't need me anymore. Years later I learned he was searching for me, but he got caught up in another problem. According to one of my colleagues, Tatl, he married a girl named Romani in a world parallel to ours called Termina and got a kid, which he named Link. One faithful day, he found a portal back to our land, so he moved back with his family.'

I quickly jump in to talk, "Whoa there Nabi, or whatever your name is.'

'It's Navi!" She shrieks.

"Yeah, whatever. So, I asked if my ancestor knew you, not his whole life story."

Navi snaps back, "Well too bad! I like telling his life story, so you'll listen to me, or else I won't take you to Princess Zelda!

I growl in annoyance and the fairy continues "So where was I...Oh yes! He moved back and set about looking for me again. When he was fifty nine, his doctor told him that he had a chance of getting a heart attack if he showed any strong emotion. If only I knew..."

This sparks my interest, "Wait, what do you mean by 'if only I knew?'...Did you kill my great old ancestor grandfather person!"

Navi sighs for what seems to be the millionth time, "Sort of...you see. Tatl told me Link was looking for me so I was off searching for him. I found him, and I shouted, 'Link! I missed you so much!' He turned around grinned, shouted, 'Navi!'...then fell down, dead...

I gape at her, "You murdered my ancestor!" I ready my fly swatter once again.

She gives a shaky laughter, "Well, on the plus side, if I didn't...er...kill..him...he wouldn't have been able to help you defeat Ganandorf. You see, in our time, we couldn't defeat him, so the Sages locked him away. Link needed to fulfill his mission as the hero of time, so when he died, he became the Hero Shade so that he could train you when you had to defeat Ganandorf. If I didn't...er...kill...him, he wouldn't have been able to help you defeat Ganandorf!"

"Oh yeah! I remember the story about how Ganandorf was locked away! From what I remember, the Sages tried to execute him by throwing a giant-ass knife at him. They failed horribly and Ganandorf killed the water sage!"

Suddenly, Navi's eyes grow wide, "Did you just say the water sage died?"

"Yeah, Ganandorf killed the water sage, or at least that's what one of the other sages showed us during the flashback..."

"So, the water sage is dead?"

"Yes, the water sage is dead! Did age catch up with you. I mean what are you...four thousand years old?"

Navi suddenly starts dancing in the air while singing, "Oh yeah! Ruto's dead! Uh huh! The slut's dead! In your face! In your ugly fish-face! Uh-huh! Oh yeah!"

I ignore her strange dance, and back away, "So...the hero shade was really my ancestor..."

Navi nods. I nod along with her, "So why do you have a huge pack, and when are you going to take me to Zelda?"

Navi smiles, "Well, the Princess and the Great Fairy sent me to collect some things for you."

She empties the bag and all sorts of weapons fall out. She grabs a small pouch and hands it to me, "you can put an infinite number of items in here." She tosses me a bunch of weapons, "I got most of the weapons and armors you obtained during your journey." She digs through the pile and hands me another pouch. She opens it and three crystals fall out. "These are Din's Fire, Nayru's Love, and Farore's wind. I'll explain how to use them later."

I dump everything into the pouch as Navi hands them to me, "So why do I need all these items, and why did you come and find me. Why not some other random fairy?"

Navi shrugs, "Beats me."

She continues to hand me items, "Here, the Great Fairy told me to give you these." She carefully hands me ten jars of fairy tears. "Oh here's some rupees," she tosses me a wallet. "Here's some new clothes **I** got for you because I'm sooo nice." She throws a bundle of clothes at me.

"Thanks," I mutter.

"And finally," Navi hands me the Master sword and a Hylian shield.

I take the hilt of the sword and the shield from her. "Something's wrong," I breathe out. "Zelda wouldn't have sent me the Master Sword for no apparent reason."

Navi smiles, "Let's get going, then." She gives me a bright smile.

I nod my head, "Let's get going."

… … …

When I get to the castle, Zelda's waiting outside for me, which is a big surprise because...well she's a Princess!

"Welcome Link, Navi. Quickly, to my study."

We follow her and once we're in the study, Zelda turns around and starts squealing!

"EEEEE! OH MY GOSH! YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED! ZANT ASKED ME OUT! OH MY GOSH!"

I tense, "Zant! The evil Twilight King! What? How? I killed him...and he's evil!"

Zelda regains her sanity, "Never mind. So, I called you here because I believe there's a way to send you to the Twilight realm."

I gasp, "You mean I can see Midna again!"

Zelda nods, "However, if I send you there, I cannot bring you back."

"I don't care! Just send me there!"

"Why do you want to see Midna so bad anyways? You two have a thing going on together or something?"

"What? No! She just owes me 1000 rupees! Plus she has to replace the wooden shield she burnt down when I let her use it! Along with the-"

Zelda holds up her hands to try and calm me down, "I got Navi to get all of your items and weapons for you because...well, I don't know where you'll end up if I send you to the Twilight Realm. You might get sent there, but never find Midna, and as I have said before, I don't know how to bring you back, so if you agree to travel to there, you'll never be able to come back."

"I don't care send me! Money makes the world go round, woman! Do you want the world to stop going round?"

"You do realize that that is just a figure of speech right?" Zelda inquires.

Navi sighs, "Whatever. You're exactly like your ancestor all right. He never thought anything through. Idiocy must run in the family. Now, I know I'm going to regret this, but... if Link's going, I'm going, too."

Zelda nods, "Okay then, Navi I want you to have this." She hands Navi a black object. "If you attach that to Link, he'll turn into a wolf. I named it the atra lapis" She catches my eye, "Midna gave it to me, so I named it. Touche?"

I nod, and Navi carefully takes it.

"Navi, you really don't have to come," I tell her, "I'm not going to split the money with you anyways."

She shakes her head, "I killed my Link, I have to help you, his descendant, to even things out."

Zelda asks me for the final time, "Are you sure, Link?"

I close my eyes, "Yes."

"Very well, if you do reach the Twilight, everything will be black, green, and Gothic. Plus, the palace is the only place with solid ground. If you're unlucky and I don't warp you directly to the palace, you'll fall into a pit of everlasting sorrow and despair. But, other than that all should go well. Farewell Link, Hero of Retards er... I mean time!"

She chants some sort of spell, and when I open my eyes, everything's dark.

"Well Navi, I guess we made it to the Twilight Realm. Plus we managed to avoid drowning er... falling into a pit of everlasting sorrow and despair."

"Ummm, L-Link..." Navi stutters out.

I follow her gaze to see a man in a black outfit with red sideburns and a hooked nose.

I draw my Master sword and shield as Navi slowly backs away, "You," I growl out.

* * *

So, what do you think? I made a few adjustments. Oh, and starting from the next chapter everything's going to be written in past tense instead of present tense. Also, starting from the next chapter, I will have a muse! Yaysies! Please review this to tell me how you felt about it, or to give me some advice. This is my first fanfiction, so some advice would really help. :-)) Please review!


	2. Pact Making

Me: Chapter Two of Tales of Hey Listen! First, I would like to thank Gidboman, Jennifer, and Tifu for being my first reviewers. Thank you so much! You guys rock! Your reviews totally brightened my day, and I got some useful advice. You three get a free Colette!

Colette: Huh? What am I doing here?

Me: You're theirs now...so shoo!

Colette: Whee! New friends!

Me: Sure...friends... Anyways!

I would also like to thank anyone else who read Chapter one, and are currently reading this. You guys are awesome too! Free Kratos and Zelos plushies for everyone!

In this chapter, I promise a lot of laughs, bombs, lightning, and an annoying fairy! Now, Talo...no. Ummm...Malo? Argh! Whatever your name is...You! Baby face!

Malo: It's Malo!

Me: Whatever! Say the disclaimer! I'll give you 100 rupees!

Malo: Colette's a Bimbo does not own Tales of Symphonia, Legend of Zelda,...or Link's hotness?

Me: Don't ask any questions! This is getting too long!

Malo: ...

Me: Read on fellow Tales of Symphonia and Legend of Zelda fans!

Malo: Now gimme my money!

Me: Do you take I.O.U.s?

**

* * *

****Chapter Two**

**Pact making**

"You!" I growled out! Navi was nervously fluttering around me shrieking, "Hey Listen! Watch Out! Hello! Hey!" I grabbed Navi's wings and put a hand over her mouth.

"Welcome to Volt's temple. I am Nonnag, your translator for the next five minutes. Then, my shift will be over, and I can go to the Chosen's party... Are you here to establish a pact with the Hammer of Godly Thunder?" he asked

Without thinking, I grabbed my sword and stabbed him the stomach, "Take that Gannondorf! Stay dead this time!"

"Tell Frod...I stole his...cookie...," he wheezed out before dying.

Navi squirmed free for my grip. "Link! You retarded retard!That guy wasn't Gannondorf! He just said so!"

I blinked, "He wasn't? But...the clothes...and the hair...and...I'M SO CONFUSED!" I cried, falling to my knees.

Navi growled at me, "He just said he was a translator for Volt, or something!"

She was about to continue complaining and nagging some more, but we were interrupted.

"101101? 010 000 11010? 1100? 1000000! 10110!" a purple blob-like thing appeared.

I guessed tht was Volt.

I stared at the pulsing, purple...thing; wishing I hadn't killed Nonag. I could have really used some translating at the moment.

"That must be Volt!" Navi exclaimed.

I rolled my eyes, "No, it's a giant alligator that wants to befriend us!"

"Oh really?" navi asked.

I face-pamed, "Of course that's Volt!"

The ball of electricity decided to interupt us again. "1010 1111 0010 1000 1000!" With that, he charged at us.

Not knowing what else to do, I reached for my shield and Master sword. I was ready to run at Volt when Navi pulled me away from a mass of lightning.

"Hey Listen! Wait! Link, throw a-Watch Out!- bomb at it!

I broke free from the fairy's grip, "Are you crazy? A bomb obviously won't be effective against this guy! Look at him! A bomb's not that effective against most bosses in Twilight Princess!...wait...what's Twilight Princess?"

Navi and I both stared cluelessly at each other until we got hit by lightning. I waited for the pain to come, but nothing came. "Huh?"

"Link! Look below-Hello!-you!"

I looked down and saw an icon of me and Navi along with numbers.

"What the?-" I quickly rolled to the side as more lightning was aimed at me. I ignored Navi, and charged at Volt with my sword raised, and tried to spin attack it, but got struck by lightning instead. I looked down and saw that my numbers had decreased. I retreated back to Navi.

"I'm going to try your idea just for today, so don't get used to it."

I attached a bomb to the end of my arrow, readied my bow, and shot at the mass of pink and purple. As soon as the arrow hit its target, and the bomb exploded, everything went into slow motion. Suddenly there was a flash of white light, so I closed my eyes, not wanting to become blind like Itachi...er...blind.

When I opened my eyes, music was playing, and strange word and numbers were floating above my head.

"Navi? What's...-" Something took control of me, and I ecstatically said, "Are my bombs amazing or what?"

Navi replied, "They sure are Link!"

A box appeared at my knees. It read, 'Link has leveled up.'

Another box took its place, 'Navi has obtained the title, 'Nagging Leader''

The music, words, and boxes disappeared. We were facing Volt again.

"101100 100000 0011 1001 1011."

I stared at it; mentally killing myself trying to figure out what Volt was telling me when Nonnag appeared through the doors.

"Nonnag!"

Nonnag looked at me, "I'm not Nonnag. The name's Frod, Nonnag's twin brother. Speaking of which, do you know where he is? It's my shift."

I stammered out, "er...well...can you translate for me first?"

Frod nodded, "Boss here is saying you can make a pact with him."

I nodded my head slowly. I had no idea what a pact was. "Ummm...Is it free?"

"Hey Listen!" Navi shrieked. She quickly covered her mouth, and blushed red. "Sorry, that happens..."

I grabbed the miniscule fairy and stuffed her in my hat.

Frod looked mildly creeped out. He chuckled, "You don't know what a pact is, do you?"

I shook my head.

Frod sighed, "Okay, so here, we have beings called Summon Spirits. Each spirit has control over an element. Volt is the summon spirit of lightning. If you make a pact with him, you'll be able to summon him in battle. However, if you want to make a pact you have to be a summoner."

I must have looked lost because he continued to explain, "A summoner is someone who has the ability to summon and make pacts. You have to have a little bit of elven blood in you. Do you have elven blood?"

I shook my head, "I don't know. i don't even know who my parents were. But, I'm willing to try and make a pact."

Frod nodded and "talked" to Volt. Soon, Volt got absorbed into my master sword.

Frod turned to face us again, "Congratulations. You have made a pact with Volt. Your method of sealing the pact was rather...unique. Most people use seals, but you used a sword. Strange." he mused. "Now, will you explain where Nonnag is?"

"Quick question! Why are you dressed like that?"

Frod opened his mouth to answer, but Navi-who somehow got out of my hat-cried, "Watch out!" She smacked herself.

I grabbed her and threw her into my pack this time. "You were saying?"

Frod decided to ignore Navi and explained, "Today is Zelos Wilder's 2oth birthday. He is throwing a costume party at his mansion."

I implied that this...Zelos person must be a noble because he owned a mansion.

"Is the Princess there?"

He nodded, "She must be. She does like Zelos."

I asked the question that had been on my mind, "What are you and Nonnag supposed to be?"

Frod rolled his eyes, "It's pretty obvious isn't it?"

I shook my head.

"I'm a guy in black armor with red sideburns and a failed nose job...duh."

I groaned. I shouldn't have killed Nonnag!

"So, is there a way that I can understand Volt without you following me around?"

He threw me a small purple orb, "That's called a fulmine orb. It should translate everything he says for you."

"Thanks," I replied. Then, I quickly stabbed Frod.

"Tell Nonnag...I killed his...pet wolf..." he wheezed out.

"You nincompoop!-Hey Listen!-What was that for! You killed-Watch Out!-two innocent men in a day! What are you, stupid!" Navi screeched into my ear.

I screamed, "How'd you get out!"

"You dropped me next to your pack instead of inside it! Anyways, why'd you kill Frod!"

I shrugged. "No one can know about Nonnag. Frod was close to figuring out...so I killed him."

Navi screeched again, "Aaaaargh! Why couldn't I-Hey Listen!-look aftera smart,-Listen!-sensible person! Ugh! Great Goddess!-Watch Out!-

I stared at her.

"Don't mind the-Hello!-wierdness. It happens whenever I'm-Hey Listen!-feeling strong emotions. Let's get out of this-Hello!-

I stared at her, "Navi, don't you remember, Zelda said we couldn't leave the Twilight Realm."

She sighed, "Don't hurt Link. Don't hurt Link. Happy place. Happy place." She breathed some more before continuing, "When we first arrived, Nonag said 'Welcome to Volt's temple.' So, we're in a temple;l which means we're in a building, which means we can get out. Now, let's get out of here..."

**

* * *

**It took us a while to get out. Whenever we bumped into an enemy, it would multiply into three, and strange music would play until we defeated it. After we defeated it, another song would play, words would appear above our heads, Navi and I would exchange strange comments, and boxes with word would appear.

Soon, Navi figured out the number next to our icon symbolized how much 'health points' we had left. Once it reached zero, we would die.

My pouch started getting heavier too. When I opened it, I found it full of weird items such as food, gelatine, magnifying glasses, bottles of liquid, gold coins and armor. Navi organized it for me into categories after she figured out that yellow gels called 'lemon gels' and red ones called 'apple gels' healed us, like fairy tears. The bottles with blue liquids were called 'life bottles' and revived us if we died. The gold coin was called 'gald' and it was currency in the Twilight realm.

When I asked Navi how she knew about this, she remained silent.

We finally reached a door. When we went through it, we were met with sunshine, grass, water, and more monsters.

I gasped, "Navi, I don't think we're in the Twilight Realm..."

Music played, and a box appeared.

Link obtained the title 'No duh.''

* * *

Me: So, how was Chapter Two? Please tell me! Just press the small button that reads 'review' to review! Pwease?

Malo: Where's my money!

Me: Uh...Laters everyone! I won't be able to post Chapter Three until next next week because I have the dreaded finals this week. Yes, I'm in Middle School. Remember! Gasp! Anyways...Reviews make the authoress happy, and the story better! *quickly runs away*

Malo: *Chasing after me* Give me my 100 rupees!


	3. Hot Potato

Me: Yaysies! Chapter Three! Sorry this took so long... ...

First of all, I would like to thank Gidboman, TiFu, Mr. Light Chicken Bulbs, Big Boss01, and iluvmidna for reviewing! Thank you so much! Your advice really helped! You five get the one of a kind like-like vacuum! Unleash it in your room, and it'll eat all of your priceless things!...Or you can get a Yuan plushie...

Secondly, Gidboman, I'm sorry if it seemed as though I copied Navi's speaking pattern from you, but I didn't. The idea came from my I-don't-think-she's-sane-best friend.

Third, I GOT A BETA READER because I'm totally awesome! Now that Big Boss01 is my Beta Reader, I'm hoping that I won't have as much grammar or spelling problems.

Finally, the after-the-battle scenes are only going to appear during special occasions, and the health points are only going to be recognized when a character is about to die.

Health point: Awww man.

Me: What the? Did everyone see that...I've got to get more sleep...

Well, on with the chapter! Colin please say the disclaimer.

Colin: Ummmm...Colette's a Bimbo does not...own...I'm Scared! Waaaaah!

Me: Have some backbone you gay-looking wimp!

Colin: Waaaaah!

Me: And I thought he got braver near the ending of Twilight Princess...Okay, I don't own Tales of Symphonia, Legend of Zelda, Colin's sadness, the exploding potatoe, Zelos' AWESOMENESS, or a life.

Malo: I finally found you! Pay me my rupees!

Me*running away* Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Three**

**Hot Potato**

"One potato, two potato, three potato..."

After Navi and I had noticed that we hadn't landed in the Twilight realm, we did the most reasonable thing...scream and run back and forth! Navi had started screaming, 'Hey Listen,' Watch Out,' and 'Hello' so much, my right ear had almost gone deaf. Naturally, Navi's screaming had attracted some unwanted attention, and we had to battle a lot of monsters.

After a few hours of killing monsters, we had calmed down a bit. So, we did the second most reasonable thing to do in a situation like ours...play hot potato with the potatoes the monsters dropped while running away. It was genius. I stuffed a bomb into a potato, and we threw it to each other.

"...Five potato, six potato, seven potato... Link do you think we'll be able to ever leave this place?"

"eight potato...I don't think so. Zelda said we wouldn't be able to, so I doubt it."

"nine potato...do you really believe her? She doesn't seem that smart to me."

As the potato reached its ten second limit, it came flying towards me. I knocked it away with my sword, and covered my face with the Hylian shield. The potato exploded, and I was completely unscathed.

I took out another bomb, and began to light it, "Anyways, don't underestimate Zelda, Navi. She may seem stupid, and not make the brightest of choices, but she can be wise at times."

Navi huffed, "The tiny bit of intellectual power she has probably comes from her Triforce of Wisdom."

I started stuffing the bomb into a potato, "She's smart, Navi. If she wasn't, how would she have known how to send us here?"

Navi started flying in a circular motion, "Exactly! If she was smart and mastered her spell before sending us here, we wouldn't be here! Tael asked me out last week! I could be going out with him right now!"

Navi continued ranting, and I didn't even bother trying to find out who Tael was. He was probably one of her fairy friends anyways. I threw the newly lit hot potato at Navi.

Navi caught the bomb, but suddenly stopped flying in crazy motions, "Hey, look over there! It's a village!" Navi shrieked from above. "We're near civilization!" She threw the bomb to me and did her 'Ruto's dead' dance as she flew towards me.

"A village, I can't believe our lu—"

In my shocked happiness, I accidentally dropped the potato...and it blew up. I had seconds to grab Navi before we were sent flying.

"You idiot! You nincompoop! The bomb!" Navi was screaming.

I closed my eyes waiting for the impact. I could feel Navi quivering in my grip. A few minutes passed by, and I noticed that we were still flying though the air.

"I don't believe it! We might not die!" Navi chirped.

I silently whispered a 'Thank You' to the three Godesses.

* * *

-Two hours later-

We were still flying through the air, and it was getting really boring. Seeing how we were airborne, we couldn't do fun activities, so we played 'I spy.'

"I spy with my little eyes, something green- wait no, we flew past it. I spy with my little eyes a blue-never mind, we passed that too."

I dozed off, wishing we would hurry up and land somewhere.

-Three Hours Later-

The sun was going down, now, and Navi was at her most annoying hour. The blue fairy was going on about how something bad was bound to happen.

I ignored her as we flew over a massive city.

I rolled my eyes as I said, "Navi, shut up. We're at full HP, so even if we crash land, we'll still be alive. We'll just eat more lemon gels. The worst that can happen is us causing the population of this land to discriminate a race; and the chances of that happening are none, zero, zit. An empty void of nothingness!"

Navi whimpered.

* * *

The King shook his head. The Pope wanted him to sign a contract claiming that half elves should be discriminated, and that they should be executed without a trial, or a phone call to their lawyers if they committed a crime.

"Look, I just can't do that. Half-elves are people too," the King said as he shook his head.

The Pope growled and spitted out, "Your majesty! You must! It's for the good of Tethe'alla!"

The King shook his head, "My answer is still no. Anyways, isn't your daughter a half-elf?"

You could see a vein throbbing on the fat man's forehead, "Sir, I didn't have a daughter the last time I checked."

The King was completely oblivious to the Pope's hint, "Oh yes you do. What was her name? Umm, Kacy, Katherine, no...Oh, it was Kate!"

The Pope lashed out, "I don't have a daughter so just sign the stupid form!"

The King glared at the Pope, "I'll sign that when a teenager in a green tunic and tights flies by with a blue fairy that's screaming at him."

At the moment, Link flew by the King's window while Navi screamed at him about how something bad was about to happen.

The King sighed, "Fine, give me a stupid pen"

* * *

We flew for a few more minutes after we passed the gargantuan city. Then, we crash landed.

"Oh, my shoes are ruined," Navi complained.

I rubbed my head and made sure none of our supplies were damaged. Surprisingly, they weren't. "What are you talking about? You're a puffball! A blue flying puffball! You don't even wear shoes!"

The fairy didn't reply.

I dusted myself off as Navi ate an apple gel. She offered some to me, and I also ate it. "So, where do we go now? It's almost dark. The sun's going to go down in about two hours."

Navi pondered for a bit, "How about that city we passed by a few moments ago. It seemed close enough."

I nodded, and we spent an hour following the yellow, brick road that (hopefully) led to the city...

We arrived at the gates of the castle. There were two guards stationed in front of the entrance. Each were wearing heavy, green armor, and carrying a spear. I immediately knew these guards meant business; they weren't like the guards back in Hyrule.

"Halt, state your business at Meltokio."

Navi nudged me, "I'll handle this," she whispered. Then, she flew up to the guards, "We are on our way to meet his," she pointed to me, "aunt. We are looking for an inn to stay at for the night. As you can see, it's getting quite dark."

The guards stared at Navi and stared intensely at her wings. I could hear them whispering something, "Look, she has wings. Do you think she's an angel?" Should we warn the King?" This was followed by more whispering I couldn't catch.

After what felt like a million years (it was really a minute), the guards finally said the magical words:"You may enter."

We scurried into the city.

"Navi, where are you going? We've been wandering around for an hour!"

As soon as we had entered the city, Navi had flown on ahead of me. I wanted to go to an inn, get a room, and sleep, but the puffball obviously had other ideas. She just kept flying up stairs saying she needed to find some answers.

"Navi. C'mon. The sun's down already. We should get some sleep," I whined. I knew my reason wouldn't help much. This place had strange metal poles that had light coming out of it everywhere.

She ignored me, and flew on ahead. I sighed and followed.

Suddenly, Navi screamed, "Malon!" and ran at a redhead that was surrounded by girls dressed in dresses with too many ruffles. Zelda would have puked if she had to wear their dresses.

"Malon! How are you still alive I thought you were dead!" She chirped.

The redhead turned around and Navi stopped in her tracks, "Wait, you're not Malon! You're not even a girl, and you are so not pretty enough!"

The redhead stared at Navi as the girls around him gaped at her. Then, they slowly stalked towards Navi.

"How dare you call Master Zelos a girl!" One of the girls shrieked.

Navi slowly backed away.

"Oh, look at the lone peasant girl! She already shrunk herself down and got fake wings even though it's not festival time yet!" another one hissed.

Navi was backed into a wall now.

"And what do you mean Master Zelos isn't pretty enough!"

I quickly ran to Navi's side; unsure of what I was doing. "I don't know who you whores are, but no one messes with Navi like that!" I didn't even think about the girl's weird comment about shrinkage and wings; my only though was keeping the old, but immature fairy out of trouble.

"You...you!" The girls shrieked.

The girls advanced on us and the one that had insulted Navi first slapped me. I blinked trying to take it all in. No one in Hyrule had ever slapped people before. Yet, in this land, girls dressed in weird clothes and slapped people they didn't know. Actual slappage! Navi nervously fluttered to my side, unsure of what to do.

We were saved as the redhead slowly walked up and said, "Now now, my hunnies. You can't attack innocent girls like that. How would you like it if someone said that to you? It would hurt your feelings, and you need to save all your feelings for me. I like how you're defending my awesomeness and hotness, but girls are girls." He followed that up with a wink.

"But Master Zelos, she insulted you~"

The redhead handed his hunny a fat wallet, "How about you six go and grab yourself something beautiful?"

The hunnies instantly left.

"Owww," I moaned.

Zelos walked over. "Sorry about that. My hunnies do that whenever something out of the ordinary happens. Now, my tiny angel, how are you?" he mused, turning to Navi.

Navi ignored him and fluttered to my side, "Link, are you okay? I shouldn't have gone ahead like that?"

Zelos did a puppy face, "Oh, someone didn't faint when I talked to them...and it was on my birthday, too..."

We ignored Zelos and I smiled slightly, "Its okay Navi. How would you have known we would have run into a pack of rabid fan girls." I forced out some laughter. "I thought I had enough troubles with fangirls. Back in Hyrule, I had a Link fanclub!"

If the fairy had eyes, I was sure she would have rolled them.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Zelos bending down to pick something up. "Here, you dropped this." He tossed a black object at us. I blinked trying to identify what it was. It landed in my hands, and my Triforce of Courage began to glow.

'Oh crap,' I thought. I saw that the object he had thrown at me was the Atra Lapis. I was too late to stop the transformation. My only hope was that Navi knew how to change me back.

A black aura covered me as Navi and Zelos flinched back.

"Arooo!"

I was a wolf again.

* * *

Me: Well, that's it for now... Sorry it was horrible. *sipping coffee*

Malo:That's it! You spend two weeks on it, and this is the best you can come up with!

Me: Yeah. I'm so sorry this chapter lacked detail. I'll update it soon and add more details.

Malo: You'd better!

Me: Okay then. Adios! *sets coffee cup down*

Malo: Ready? *setting cup of chocolate milk down*

Me:Ready. *Running away* Please review!

Malo: Give me my money! *chasing after me*

Colin: *stepping out from shadows* Zeles? How am I going to get home?...Is anyone here? ...I'm scared.


	4. Chosens Hit on Ninjas

Me: Chapter Four! I would like to thank BigBoss01, TiFu, Rimie, iluvmidna, and Mr. Light Chicken Bulbs for reviewing. You guys are totally awesome! ^^ You five get the one-of-a-kind collectable redead plushie!

Colin and Colette: Oh! It's a human! *tackling me*

Me: Ahhh! Oh, wait. It's just you...What are you doing here?

Colette: I waited for the new friends you promised, but they wouldn't come!

Colin: And you forgot to give me a ride home because you were running away from Malo!

Me: Oops. Sorry...I'll-

Malo: STOP! I've finally caught you!

Me: Uh-oh...

Malo: Now give me my moolah!

Me; Ugh. I give up, and I need a muse. How much do I owe you?

Malo: Five-thousand rupees!

Me: What?

Malo: I collect money with interest!

Me: Meep!

Colette: I'm a Bimbo does not own Tales of Symphonia, Legend of Zelda, Five-Thousand rupees, or animal rights; so she's screwed if she makes wolf-link do weird stuff in this chapter! :))

Colin: Umm...Colette. It's 'Colette's a Bimbo', not 'I'm a Bimbo'...

Colette: Oh, okay. Please enjoy! ^_^

* * *

**Tales of Hey Listen!**

**Chapter Four: Bad Boy**

I shook my head wildly as I began to panic. I was a wolf again!

I could see Navi and Zelos were surprised at my sudden form because they gasped as soon as they saw me.

"Link, are you still there?" Navi asked cautiously.

I nodded my head, and the fairy gave a sigh of relief.

"So, how do we turn your...friend...back to normal?" the redhead asked.

Navi shook her head, "I don't know. I just got the Atra lapis a few ...I believe...days ago." She started fluttering around again as she screeched 'Hey Listen!' everywhere she went.

Suddenly, Zelos snapped his fingers, "I think I figured out how to change your bud back to normal!" he exclaimed.

Navi immediately stopped flying, "How?"

The man gave an almost evil smile, "I would tell you, but first he," he pointed at me, "has to do a little favor for me."

Navi flew up to his face, "Can't you just tell us?" she pleaded desperately.

Zelos shook his head, "Sorry, but where would be the fun in that?"

Navi turned red, "This is serious! I know we just met, but can't you just..."

Zelos turned to me, and crouched down so that he was eye level with me. "How about it? You do a little favor for me, and I'll help you."

I searched my head for answers. If I said yes, I might have to do something dangerous; but if I said no, I'd be stuck as wolf-link. I nodded my head.

The pink-clad warrior stood up and grinned, "Okay, so there's a certain girl I like, but she doesn't like me back. She's a ninja from a faraway village, and she's stopping by Meltokio today before she goes on her mission to Sylvarant..."

I knew I would regret this decision.

* * *

Sheena walked through the vast city. It seemed as though it had grown even larger since the last time she had been here. She sighed. She would report to the King, then leave for Sylvarant with the help of the Renegades.

She looked at her hands; would she be able to kill Sylvarant's Chosen? She pushed that thought back into her mind. Of course she would. She had to do it for the sake of Tethe'alla. She turned a corner and entered the Noble's quarters; she could see the castle in a distance.

The ninja nervously scanned the area and started to dart across. The last time the nobles had seen her, they had tried to attack because the idiot chosen paid more attention to her than them. She sighed. She had no idea what the hunnies saw in that redhead.

Now, she could see the castle. She rapidly ran towards it, but suddenly stopped as she found that a wolf was blocking her way. The wolf looked strange; it was gray and black, had a blue earring on its ear, and it had a strange symbol that consisted of three triangles on its left paw.

"Nice wolfie," Sheena cooed as she tried to make her way around it. However, the wolf kept blocking her path. She moved to the side again, but it followed suit.

All of a sudden, the wolf lunged at her; her throat to be precise.

As soon as the wolf had jumped, the ninja whipped her cards out. She stuck a red card at the wolf's snout as it landed and jumped away as she yelled, "Pyre Seal!"

The tag exploded, and the wolf was thrown back.

It was about to jump again, but Sheena was ready this time. She was in her fighting stance, with her cards raised.

The wolf ran towards her, and Sheena was about to use Pyre Seal again when a familiar voice shouted

"Demon Fang!"

The shock-wave from the attack hit its target, and the wolf fell to its side.

"Hello, my Voluptuous Hunny," the stupid redhead said.

Sheena rolled her eyes, "Stop calling me that; and what the hell are you doing here?"

Zelos tried to wrap his arms around her, but Sheena slapped it away.

"Aren't you grateful that I save you from the beast?" He asked innocently.

Sheena glared before answering, "I was fending off extremely well until you came along; thank you very much! Also, knowing you, you probably set that up!"

She huffed, and walked towards the castle.

* * *

As soon as the scary girl was out of our sight, I saw Navi flying out of her hiding place and going to Zelos.

"So, can you change Link back now?" She asked.

Zelos sighed, "Well, that was ineffective, but he did keep his part of the deal. Okay, all you have to do is remove that rock from him."

Navi blinked, "That was it?"

The redhead nodded.

"That was seriously it?"

Zelos was about to reply when a squeal broke loose, and dozens of girls ran to his side.

"Oh my goodness! Master Zelos, it was so brave how you stepped in to save that useless girl!"

"She's not useless," he muttered under his breath. He looked up, "Ah, yes. That is the duty of the Chosen." he proclaimed.

"If you saved me, I would be grateful," another girl replied.

Zelos winked in our direction before leading his hunnies off. "Yes, however, there are many ways a woman can show their gratitude. For example, I might go home and find her there, in my room, on my bed..."

Instantly, I stopped paying attention once it reached that point.

* * *

Navi fluttered close to me, and grabbed the Atra lapis from my paw. As soon as she yanked it off, I was human again.

The fairy tackled me, "Oh, Link! I was so worried about you! Did you get hurt? Did you-"

I cut her off as I loosened my muscles, "I'm completely fine. Let's look for a place to stay for the night." I walked back down the stairs; back to where I had seen an inn earlier. Navi followed; continuously apologizing for flying off, and I kept forgiving her.

* * *

It was night now. Navi and I had tried to get back to the inn, but we ended up lost...

"Link, I'm tired," Navi whined.

I yawned, "You're flying while I have to walk!" I snapped.

"Still~" Navi said in an annoyingly girly voice.

"Look, I," I was about to snap at her, but something caught my eye. I spotted someone wearing a cone shaped fish mask and a long black cape-like cloak.

I gasped, "It's Zant!"

I grabbed my Master Sword and rushed at him.

I was about to strike when, the target turned around, and it wasn't Zant. It was a girl that was probably older than me.

She shrieked when she saw my raised sword, "GUARDS!"

As soon as the words left her mouth, we were surrounded by guards.

"Link, you idiot! First Nonnag, now..."

"Silence!" The-what we assumed to be-head guard announced.

More guards rushed to the woman's side, "Princess, are you all right?"

If Navi had arms, she would have face-palmed.

I grew alarmed; I almost attacked a Princess!

The Princess glared at me, "Ugh, he's a half-elf!" She spat out with utter displeasure.

I was clueless at what she meant. What was a half-elf?

The guards grabbed me, 'Should we execute him now milady?" He asked.

I panicked. They were going to kill me!

Navi came to my...rescue.

"Stop!" She screeched.

The guards let go of me as Navi emerged.

"It's an angel! It must be an angel!" They shouted.

"It must be a sign! The Great Goddess Martel must not want this boy to die!" The guards proclaimed.

"But he attacked me," she protested.

The guards slowly backed away from us, "We cannot lay a hand on him. Cruxis must have blessed this boy!"

"Then send him to prison!" The Princess declared. "Hopefully, he'll be sent to the coliseum where the monsters will kill him!"

The head guard shook his head, "I am sorry, but we cannot."

"Fine then, you're all fired if you don't" she screeched. I was missing Zelda more and more by the minute.

The guards shrugged before their leader said, 'Grab him."

* * *

I sighed. Navi and I had been separated. I had been thrown into a prison cell whereas Navi was taken to the Pope. As soon as I had landed in here, I had noticed that I wasn't the only one in the cell. A blue—haired man was in here with me.

"Hey buddy. Wanna see somethin' fun?" A man from the cell next to me asked.

I nodded my head seeing as how there was nothing to do.

The man gave a crooked smile, "Okay. Watch this." He cracked his knuckles then said, "Alicia."

Immediately, the blue-haired man next to me took a toothpick out of his boots and started stabbing himself! His face was expressionless as he kept muttering, "My fault she died. My fault she died."

I gasped, "What is he doing!"

The other prisoners chuckled, "That boy there's Regal. He's in here for killing a girl called Alicia. He turned himself in."

I backed away from Regal.

The prisoner continued, "Every time he hears her name being called, he goes emo! He blames himself for her death."

I back away as far as possible from Regal.

"I am sorry for my behavior," Regal suddenly said.

I jumped a foot in the air, "You can talk!"

He looked at me like I was insane, "Of course I can. Why wouldn't I?"

I cleared my throat, "Er...well...you didn't look so stable...so..."

He sighed, "That is just a way for me to atone for my sins."

I laughed aloud in my head, "You think stabbing yourself is atoning for you sins?"

He ignored me and leaned against the wall.

"So, what are you in here for?" He asked.

"I think I attacked the Princess," I replied, "I was sure she was an enemy from my world, but it turns out she wasn't.'

"Why did you think she was that enemy from...your world?"

I laughed softly, "She had a cone shaped fish mask, and she was wearing a cape; the exact same thing he wore."

Regal chuckled, "I am sure she was going to Zelos' party. Today was his birthday."

"How do you know today was his birthday?" I asked suspicious.

Regal was about to enter when a guard appeared, "Prisoners in cell five, six, and seven. You are going to the coliseum." He opened my cell door along with two cells beside us.

"What's the coliseum?" I asked Regal.

"It's where we are forced to fight monsters for the enjoyment of others.

I gagged, "What!"

"Enough talk!" The guard snapped. "Go pick your weapons and pray to Martel. He snickered and left.

This couldn't get any worse.

* * *

Me: Sorry this chapter lacked humor. I'll update it real soon! (I updated all the last chapters for this). This chapter was practically a set up to the next chapter, which will hopefully have some humor!

In other news, I payed Malo back!

Bad news, I'm broke now! Turns out Malo collects his money with interest so I owed him 5000 rupees... He pitied me, so he made a bet. If I can get 23 reviews in total by March 20, he'll give me all my money back! So, please review!

Malo: It's so strange because I'm not chasing you!

Me:*glaring at Malo*Oh, almost forgot. My friend Clawd and I are in the middle of an argument. Please leave a review telling who's a better character: Zelos or Inuyasha. :D Zelos will prevail!

Malo: err...Can i leave? I'm getting uncomfortable around you...Fangirls scare me...

Me: Okay, I think that's it! :)) See ya'soon!

Malo: Something tells me i shouldn't have made that bet...


	5. BUD!

Me: I'm Not Dead!

Malo: ...Why would you be?

Me: Anyways~Sorry I didn't update for a whi-

Malo: It's been a month! Where the hell were you!

Me: Oh, umm...I had Honor's Band practice, three math tests, I got first chair for the second clarinets in Honor's Band, a science test, a writing benchmark, and I started to practice clarinet even more because I want to get first chair for the first clarinets during Concert Band at school.

Malo: That's it? Really?

Me: Oh! Almost forgot! I bought the first book of Fruits Basket  at the school book fair, and got obsessed with it...I LOVE KYO!...but I also like Yuki...It's so hard to decide!

Malo: … Colette's a Bimbo would like to thank TiFu, BigBoss01, Colette Hyuga, iluvmidna, iron-shadow, Denny Tribal, Mr. Light Chicken Bulbs, Link Fangirl01, Chang Hee, and i hate zelos for reviewing.

Oh! Burn! Your reader hates Zelos!

Me: ...Also, I got my money back from Malo so thanks for the reviews!

Malo: Your Author's Notes are way too freakishly long.

Me: You're making it longer so shut up.

Malo: You shut up!

* * *

**Tales of Hey Listen!**

**Chapter Five: BUD!**

I winced as my eyes readjusted to the sudden gleam of sunlight. I had been sent out with five other men, one of which was Regal.

I had chosen to fight with a sword and shield, but the sword felt unbalanced in my hand, and the shield looked like something Malo would play with back home. It was cheap-looking, and wooden. It probably wouldn't be able to survive a single hit from an enemy. Still, I was better off than Regal. He had not chosen any weapons at all, and he didn't let the guards unlock his shackles either. Man, talk about suicidal!

The MC appeared on the stage and announced, "The criminals led by Link, the "No Duh!" from who knows where will be fighting the Dragon Knight!"

One of the men I had been sent out with hugged his club and began to rock back and forth. Yeah, you heard me right. He chose a **Club **out of all the weapons to fight with!

"We're screwed! We're toast!" My teammates chanted.

I scoffed. I was the Hero of Time! The Hero of Freakin Time! How hard could beating this Dragon dude be? My question was answered when a huge ten foot tall Dragon in shining armor, holding a lance with an axehead, was unleashed into the arena.

The Dragon took a breath and let loose an inferno of fire. Three of my teammates got caught in the blast and fell, dead.

Seeing as how my shield was useless, I threw it like a boomerang at the Dragon Knight's head. It hit its target and... shattered without leaving a single scratch. The Dragon turned and roared at me. Great! I had broken one of the rules in fighting: never attract attention to yourself. I was as good as dead now.

The Dragon swung his ax at me, but as soon as it hit, I heard Regal shout, "Healer." A green aura covered me, and numbers appeared over me.

One of the criminals ran next to me, "Ya' lucky boy! Regal's healing ya'!"

I was about to ask how he was healing me, but the Dragon's ax made contact with him, and he gave a scream.

"My greatest regret... was...not getting my...gald back...from Eifrad..." He closed his eyes, and died. Regal and I were the last remaining survivors.

"Cover me!" Regal shouted as he ran forward. Now, I was sure he lost it, but he didn't die. He swung multiple kicks at the monster before drawing back and guarding. I quickly ran forward and swung my sword three times before executing a spin attack...then I got hit by a fireball.

I fell back, and my vision grew hazy. I was sure I was going to die. I never got my money back from Midna...

Suddenly, I felt a rush of energy and I saw a faint glow of green light appearing from me. Regal had healed me!

I got up and ran to where my sword was, but I slipped on a purple orb, and fell.

"Ugh!" I got up and glared at the inanimate object. I picked it up, and a voice filled my head.

"Master of the pact. Do you require assistance?"

"Who's there?" I shouted.

"I am Volt, the Summon spirit of Lightning."

"... ..."

"From the Temple of lightning."

"... ..."

"Remember? I was the purple glowing ball of pulsing light! You shot a freakin' bomb at me!" 

I remembered, "Oh yeah! I remember you!"

I heard the voice groan before saying, "Do you require assistance?"

I saw that Regal was getting beaten to oblivion by the Dragon Knight.

"No, I don't need any help at all," I said in a sarcastic tone.

"Oh...okay," Volt said as he slowly began to disappear.

"I meant help would be great!" I yelled.

"Oh yay! Mother was right. You **can **make friends if you're nice!"

Purple light seeped out of the orb and Volt materialized next to me. It suddenly released its energy, and lightning fell on the Dragon Knight. Regal rapidly guarded, and the Dragon fell with a roar.

White light filled the arena as music began to play.

"We're counting on you, Link," Regal said.

"Hehe," I blushed while thinking 'WTF! Since when did I blush?"

A box appeared below me. 'Link leveled up' It was replaced by another box, 'Regal obtained the title of "Way of the Jungle"'

The music faded away and we were standing next to the MC.

"And the remaining criminals, Link and Regal, will appear again next time!"

The crowd cheered, and we were about to be led away when a voice shouted, "WAIT!"

A familiar looking redhead dressed in pink jumped down and landed next to us.

"Chosen One!" The guards shouted.

"Zelos?" I asked, confused.

Zelos smiled at me, "Hey Link! What are you doin' in jail! A bud of mine doesn't belong in a place like this! It'll ruin my reputation!"

The guards let go of me, "You know the Chosen?" The guards asked, terrified.

"Yep. Link helped me out before, so we're the best of buds!' Zelos answered in a cheerful tone.

"We are so sorry!" The guards screamed. "He will be released at once!"

The guards disappeared to get my stuff.

"Thanks, Zelos," I said.

"Sure. Anything for a pal of mine."

"Wait. You weren't lying about us being friends?"

"Of course not! Thanks to you, I scored some hot girls that night you turned into a wolf!"

The guards came back with my belongings. "Is there anything else we can do?" They asked Zelos.

"Is there?" Zelos asked me.

I was about to reply "No" when I suddenly remembered, "Oh! Can you also free Regal?"

Regal suddenly started to scream, "NO! NEVER! I"LL NEVER LEAVE!"

The guards rapidly unlocked Regal's shackles while muttering, "We finally get to get rid of the lunatic."

"That'll be all," Zelos said waving them off.

Zelos and I dragged Regal out of the coliseum while some guards pried his hands from the door.

"I DON"T WANNA LEAVE! I WANNA ROT IN JAIL!"

A box appeared next to Regal, 'Regal obtained the title of "Not right in the Head"'

That box was replaced by another box that read, 'The authoress obtained the title of "Gee, you just noticed?"'

* * *

Me: Kyaaa! It's so romantic! Tohru is so lucky!

Malo: Sorry. She's rereading the last chapter in the first book in Fruits Basket again. Please give me a moment... ZELES! THE CHAPTER'S OVER!... Ahem. Thank you for your patience.

Me: My ear's gone deaf. Okay...~

I liked writing this chapter. I felt good because I wrote some action and it didn't suck! :D

Malo: Please review or else I won't have anything to use to persuade her to write.

Me: *reading Fruits Basket again*

Malo: ZELES! PAY ATTENTION!

Me: Oh right. Sorry!

Malo: Also, the authoress kindly asks that anyone who knows her in real life, but doesn't have a fanfiction account, or isn't her BFF refrains from reviewing. Thank you.

Me: Now I'm off to beg my mom to buy me the fourth book in Fru-

Malo: If you say Fruits Basket one more time, or even think about it, I will personally ask Mithos to decapitate you!

Me: Screw You! You're just a figment of my imagination! You know I think Hatori is pretty cool, too.

Malo: *On his phone* Hi Mithos. Yeah, long time no see. So, I was wondering, are you free tomorrow? Great! So I'll meet at Altamira and I can take you to her there. Okay? Got it. Bye! Oh! Remember to bring the Eternal Sword.

Me: O.o


	6. 12Year Olds Try to Kill Rich Businessmen

Me: I am back and I am ready to write!

So remember how I said I was auditioning for first clarinet, first chair? I failed...and I moved down a chair... -.- But I moved back to first clarinet third chair for the final concert which will be in a week.

I wasn't on fanfiction for a while because my math grade was slipping from its usual A so I panicked and I didn't allow myself to go online for...around a month... But my grade's back, so I am back!

Now... what am I forgetting... oh right! Malo will not be joining us for a while now. He's a few dozen feet underground with his friend Mithos. So our muse will now be...

Zelos: Who else but the Great Zelos Wilder?

Me: I was thinking Presea, but this works, too!

Zelos: Colette's a Bimbo would like to thank Big Boss01, TiFu, Link Fangirl01, and Mr. Light Chicken Bulbs for reviewing.

She also does not own Tales of Symphonia or Legend of Zelda.

Me: Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Six**

**Ten Year Olds Try To Kill Rich Businessmen**

Zelos and I had finally dragged Regal out of the coliseum (with the help of six guards who helped to pry his fingers away from the door), and we were walking around aimlessly in the courtyard.

"So, Bud. It seems that you're not from here, and you act like you don't know of a place called Sylvarant. Care to explain?" Zelos asked casually.

I sighed, "You're right. I'm not from this world, and I thought Sylvarant was a color until I remembered that silver was the color, not Sylvarant. I'm from a land called Hyrule," I began.

Suddenly, a black light began to surround us.

"Hey! What's up with the sun?" I exclaimed, running around.

Regal was also running around screaming, "Get your foil hats! The aliens are invading!"

"Shh...In our world a black light covers us whenever we're about to tell a long story or explanation. When the light's gone we understand everything," Zelos explained.

Regal stopped freaking out, "Oh. I knew that..."

"That is so nifty!" I said. "Can I learn the secret to life, the universe and everything?"

"Sure thing, Bud!" Zelos replied.

… ...

"What do you mean the secret to life, the universe, and everything is Nyan Cat? That makes no sense whatsoever!" I screamed at him.

"Well, welcome to the real world!" he shouted back.

"Still, this is so cool," I said.

I could hear the smirk in Zelos' voice as he said, "Wait 'til you learn about quick jumps."

"AAAAH! Don't break the fourth wall! The mighty cheesecake god is going to be angry with us!" Regal shouted before we were enveloped in black light.

"I see," Zelos mused after the black light had faded. Then, he smiled, "You know what, I'm going to help you through your quest or whatever! We must get you to the Twilight Realm to be reunited with your dear Midna!"

I decided not to tell Zelos that I just needed to get my money back from her. He would be more help if he thought he was helping me to find love.

"I will also help you-," Regal said calmly.

Zelos and I screamed, "Holy Shit! You said an actual sentence without going crazy!"

Regal continued, "-because I have a higher chance of dying then! NYEHEHEHEHE!"

Zelos wrapped Regal up in a straight jacket he had obtained from one of the guards at the coliseum.

"Hey, Bud. Were you staying anywhere before we met?"

I shook my head.

"Great! We can crash at my place until we come up with plans!"

Zelos dragged Regal and led me to his house.

Zelos stopped in front of a grand-looking mansion.

"I sense an evil presence from that building," I hissed ominously.

"Dude...that's my house..." Zelos said.

I mentally kicked myself before replying, "Ummm...I wasn't talking about your house...I was talking about that huge one next to-"

"That's still my house," Zelos said again.

I cracked a smile, "Er...I was just ...joking! Yeah, I was joking!"

Zelos laughed, "Sure you were." He then led me into his mansion. As soon as we entered a butler appeared.

"Welcome back, Master Zelos. Some women came by this evening. Their gifts are in your room." He noticed Regal and me and said, "And who are these people?"

Zelos pointed to me and answered, "Sebastian, meet my bud, Link," he pointed to Regal, "and this is Regal Bryant. At least I'm pretty sure it's him..."

Regal twitched before screaming, "I'm not Regal Bryant! I am a nobody! I deserve to die! DIE! DIE!" He coughed and returned to normal.

"Yeah. He's sort of crazy in case you didn't notice..." Zelos whispered to Sebastian.

Zelos led me to his room. As soon as he opened the door, he leaped out of the way as a mountain of gifts fell out of the room.

"What is this?" I asked, gaping.

Zelos sighed, "It must have been a slow day...I didn't get as many gifts from my hunnies..."

I gaped even more as Zelos continued, "Let's go to the kitchen. We can discuss things there."

We were sitting in the kitchen eating tea and biscuits when Zelos asked, "Link, do you have any other clothes. If you're going to hang out with your mighty awesomeness, you need more grand clothes."

I opened my magical pack and took out three sets of clothes. One set was blue tunic, another was a red tunic, and the final one was a gold armor-like tunic. I grew excited when I saw this, "Oh I remember these! The blue one lets me breathe underwater, the gold one doesn't let me get injured in a battle, and I'm pretty sure the red one's fireproof. At least, that's what Navi told me when she gave it to me."

"Oh really. I want to see!" Zelos said excitedly as he cast fireball on the red tunic. The tunic caught fire and burned to ashes. Then, the room caught fire.

"..." everyone was silent.

"Hopefully, that wasn't the real one or else you are dead..." I growled.

Zelos gave a small laugh, "Hehehe...It's a good thing that we noticed it wasn't fireproof while you weren't in battle. Right?"

I couldn't disagree with his logic.

"Link, does your world have something against real clothes or is it just you?" Zelos asked after we put out the fire.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Look at your clothes. You only have tunics. No one wears tunics anymore."

I realized what he was talking about, "Yeah...that is strange... ..."

"Where did you get the clothes?" the redhead asked.

"Oh, I got them from Navi... … …OH MY GODDESSES! WE FORGOT ABOUT NAVI! THE GODDESSES ARE GOING TO BE SO MAD AT ME!" I screamed.

Zelos face-palmed, "How could I forget about her! I never forget girls!"

"We have to look for her!" I shouted. "I heard she was taken to the Pope while I was in prison!"

"Yes we do, and I should have known that jerk took her!" Zelos screamed. "I'll go ask the King to let her go!"

"Wait," Regal ordered before we ran out. "We should come up with a plan first. Then, we can leave as soon as we find Navi," he said.

"Hey, that is a good idea." I mused.

Regal calmly stated, "I think we should go to Sybak. We can ask if any of the professors know about Link's dilemma."

"Yes! You are a genius!" Zelos exclaimed. "I'll go get some money and such. Now...if Sybak is a seven day trip, and a night at each inn costs 800 gald, but I get a 50% discount at all the inns. So I need to take 2800 gald for lodgings. For supplies, we'll need to buy new supplies as we go, so we can take around 5000 gald for that, but we can get around 500 gald for every enemy we defeat. Since the average amount of enemies from Meltokio to Sybak is 47, we'll get 23500 gald just for defeating enemies. So I just have to take 1000 gald just in case we don't fight any enemies."

I stared, gaping, at Zelos, "You didn't tell me you were a genius, too! How did you do all that math in your head!"

"Awww Bud! Thanks! Math is one of the only subjects I'm good at if you don't count wooing and flirting."

"How did you get so good at math? I asked.

Zelos smiled, "Well, you see..."

_You can see a small redhead around the age of four sitting on the floor doing calculations._

"_Zelos, what are you doing?" his mother asked._

"_Calculating," her son answered._

"_Calculating what?"_

_Zelos smiled, "So Natalia's group which consists of twelve girls in total asked me to play with them. However, Marta's group which consists of six really hot girls also asked me. If Marta's group's hotness is x, Marta's group is M, and Natalia's group is N, then the equation reads N=Mx. I'm trying to see if hanging out with Marta's group is equal to hanging out with Natalia's group. We substitute the variables and we get 12=6x. Let's say their hotness is equal to three girls. So now, the equation reads 12=6(3) which will equal 12=18. therefor, it would be better for me to hang out with Marta's group."_

_Zelos' mother face-palmed, "When I asked for a son who was a prodigy, this wasn't what I meant..."_

Link nodded his head, "I see..."

Zelos also nodded his head, "And that, my dear friend, is how I got so good at math"

"Ahem," Regal said, getting our attention, "I believe we must go save Navi."

"Oh yes. We should." I said, walking out the front door.

"Wait," Regal ordered, again. "In exchange for me being sane for the rest of the week, will you give me a butter knife?" He asked nonchalantly.

"DEAL!" Zelos shouted. He ran to the kitchen, grabbed a butter knife and handing it to Regal.

"Why do you need a butter knife?" I asked Regal. He had a psychotic gleam in his eyes.

"You don't need to know." He said crazily.

I crab walked out the front door, just in case he wanted to stab me.

"Wow...the castle is so grand!" I said as Zelos led us through it. "I mean, the outside of it is beautiful, but the inside is even better! Even Zelda would be jealous of this place!" I said.

"Yes it is," Zelos said as he appeared at a door that a guard was guarding.

"We're here to meet the King," Zelos said.

The guard saw Zelos and immediately let him in.

The King looked surprised when he saw Zelos, "Oh, chosen one! What brings you here?"

"The crazy Pope kidnapped my bud's friend, so we need you to write a letter to him to free her, and I'm leaving for Sybak so I just wanted to let you know."

"Of course," the King said, writing the letter.

He finished it, stamped it, and handed it to Zelos.

"Thanks!" Zelos called as we left.

As soon as we exited the castle, I asked, "So where do we go now?" I asked.

"To the church. We free Navi then leave for Sybak!"

He led us to a large Church that was next to the castle.. As we were about to enter, a pink haired girl that looked like a ten year old exited. She was dragging a huge slab of wood behind her.

Recognition flashed in Regal's face as he ran to the girl and shouted, "Alicia!"

Within the blink of an eye, the girl kicked Regal in the crotch.

"Enemy defeated. No injury detected," she roboticly stated.

Zelos and I looked at each other, then back at Regal.

"Dude, you wanted to die. This is what you get." I said.

* * *

Zelos: OOOH! Cheap Shot! You are evil!

Me: So, was it good, bad, horrible?

Zelos: Of course it was great my hunny!

Me: Awww! Thanks Zellie.

Zelos: I especially loved my flashback.

Me: I know. ^_^

I won't be updating for about two weeks because I have finals coming up. But I've got some really good news! School ends in three weeks. Then, I will hopefully be able to update every week!

Also, if you have time, can you R&R 'Tales of Holidays'? It's one of my other stories, and I really want to know what people think of my latest chapter. Thanks!

Zelos: And Zeles also decided to add some random facts to end this chapter, too.

Me: Yup. So here's some facts about this story. It was originally going to be called 'Thought you Knew Tales of Symphonia' but then I decided against it.

The first five chapters of the story was going to be about how Link revisited all the temples and got his items.

Link was supposed to look for Midna because he loved her, but my brother told me to change it because the story's genre was humor.

Zelos: That was...interesting...

Please review!

Me: I respond to every single review. jsyn


	7. Saving Fairy Navi

Me: Hiiiiiii guys...

Zelos: Hello my hunny!

Me: Yeah yeah. Whatever. Sorry for the uber late update... My Best Friend, Colette Hyuga, sort of moved halfway across the globe a few days ago...

Zelos: Don't worry. If you need a shoulder to cry on, I'm here.

Me: Nah~ It's … ...WAAAAAAH! *cry cry*

Zelos: I didn't actually think you would need it...

Colette's a Bimbo would like to thank Link Fangirl01, TiFu, Big Boss01, and DennyTribal for reviewing.

Me: I do not own tales of Symphonia, Legend of Zelda, or any movie titles. Speaking of which, I played Ocarina of Time on Colette Hyuga's younger brother's 3DS! It was so cool!

**Tales of Hey Listen!**

**Chapter Seven: Saving Fairy Navi**

_**Me talking-**_I'm breaking the fourth wall in this chapter_**)**_

"Bud, tell me again. Why are we bringing the girl along with us?" Zelos asked me for the millionth time.

"I told you! She seems strong, she's stopping Regal from going emo on us by kicking him in... certain places, and something tells me that she's going to have an important role in the plot later on."

"Wait, what do you mean by plot?" Zelos asked.

There was an awkward silence. "I think we broke the fourth wall again," I whispered.

Regal suddenly crouched down in a fetal position and started to scream, "You have angered the mighty authoress! So now she will smite you!"

Presea walked over to Regal and continuously kicked him in the stomach.

"Regal, what do you mean by the mighty authoress?" I asked.

Presea stopped kicking the man so that he could answer me. "Didn't you know. We're really just characters from a video game and right now, our authoress is writing a fanfiction about us."

"Are you saying I'm really not sexy and rich?" Zelos screamed.

Suddenly, a voice boomed from the sky. _**Presea. You have my permission to kick Regal and Zelos to **__**oblivion for breaking the fourth wall. Link, do ten pushups and you can leave unscathed!**_

I stared at the sky. "What the hell?"

Lightning fell from the sky and struck a random tree that was conveniently lying next to the group.

_**Do it now!**_

I screamed like a little girl and started to do ten pushups while Presea kicked Regal and Zelos. Midna was more sane than the crazy authoress.

"Are we good? Is there anything else you want us to do?" I screamed at the sky. A girl who was walking by hugged her mom and whispered, "Mommy, why's that crazy guy screaming at the sky?" Her mom dragged her away from me while whispering back, "Just don't meet his eye."

_**That is all.**_

We all breathed a sigh of relief.

"So, what are we supposed to be doing right now?" Regal asked in his normal, sane voice.

I jumped a foot in the air, "Holy shit! He's talking like a normal person! Who! What! When! How!"

Regal waited for me to calm down then answered. "Presea kicked my head so much, my emoness got jolted to the back of my brain; thus allowing my normal personality to surface."

Zelos and I immediately started hugging Presea. "Thank you so much for making him normal again!" we sobbed out.

Presea pushed them off and whispered, "I want to go home to Ozette."

"Hell no! You're too valuable!"I shouted. I then injected a tracking chip into Presea. Presea kneed me then grabbed her ax to punish me for touching her.

"Whoa girl! Bad girl! Bad! Bad!" Zelos shouted as he grabbed her ax.

Regal rolled his eyes, "You obviously never handled kids did you? Let the professional-" Presea punched him in the gut. The man keeled down in pain.

"I like my version of handling kids better than you," Zelos said as he patted Regal's back.

"We must continue our journey now unless we want this chapter to be a filler," Presea stated.

This gave all of us a jump-start.

"Oh no! This must not be a filler!" I shouted. "Let us go and save my fairy named Navi at once! " I reached into my bag, dug around, and took out a green gem. "This is Farore's wind," I announced, "I will use this to go and save Navi!"

"Whoa whoa whoa! Bud, you can't do that!" Zelos shouted at me.

"Why not?" I asked.

"This chapter is called 'Saving Fairy Navi.' So we have to go and epically save her! We can't use any shortcuts! Anyways, Farore's Wind is going to have an even more important role later on!"

Regal screamed like a sissy, "You broke the fourth wall again! Quick! Make an offering to the great authoress or else she shall smite you!"

Zelos noticed what he had done and started running around the... the..._**wait, where are you guys right now? Let's just say you're in front of the castle... Yeah. The castle. Right~**_so Zelos ran around screaming, "I'm so sorry scary authoress lady! I didn't mean to! Please have pity! I'm your favorite character! I even-wait, what? Cloud Strife beat me on your Hottie's list? How? Why!"

Zelos got stuck by a bolt of lightning.

Regal sighed, "You have been punished."

I rolled my eyes and said, "Regal, are you a part of some creepy cult now? Anyone who doesn't please the authoress gets punished?"

Regal-who was still crazy- looked at me with an evil gleam in his eye and answered, "Yes."

Zelos shivered, "Scary cult..."

I sighed, "Come on guys! We have to go save Navi! If I don't save her the Goddesses are going to decapitate me, and it's not going to be a pretty sight!"

Zelos nodded, "Yes! I must go save the fair maiden from the evil clutches of the Pope!"

"Umm Zelos," I said, "Navi's over a thousand years old."

Zelos grew pale and started vomiting into a bush that randomly appeared next to him.

"But doesn't Zelos also hit on old ladies?" Regal asked.

As soon as I heard this, I pushed Zelos away from the bush and barfed.

After I finished barfing, the bush disappeared. I glared at Zelos, "You sick-"

"Bud! It's not what you think! Every girl I talk to gives me something!"

"Oh really? Prove it," I said.

Zelos ran ahead to the church and started talking with a girl that exited the massive building. Suddenly, a box reading, 'You have obtained a holy bottle' appeared.

Zelos ran back to us. "See! Told you!"

I gaped. "So every girl you talk to gives you something?"

Zelos nodded.

"You lucky duck!" I screamed.

"We are in front of the church," Presea whispered.

As soon as she said that, a crash was heard from inside the building; followed by a "Hey listen!- Get away from me!-Watch Out!" I remembered how Navi once told me she screamed those weird words whenever she was feeling a strong emotion.

I turned to face my group. "Well, here goes. We go in, grab Navi, shoot everyone in sight, then run away from the country, and become candle makers."

Everyone, "..."-ed.

Zelos waved the King's letter in front of me. "Or we can shove the letter in front of the Pope's face, woo all the girls in sight, then go to Sybak to research how to get you back home."

Regal nodded. "I like that plan. Except for the part where we woo all the girls."

I nodded, "Okay then. Here goes nothing!"

We opened the doors to the church and found Navi in a golden cage while people stared at her.

There was a fat man with a strange mustache, wearing a white robe in the front. "We have been sent an angel from Cruxis! It is warning us of the evil ways of the chosen one!"

"Hello!-Zelos is a great guy! Don't trust that maniac!-Watch out!" Navi shrieked.

The fat man kicked Navi's cage. "As you can see, she is warning us of the Chosen's ways by saying 'Watch out.' Since I am a servant of Martel, I understand her code-"

"And just what do you think you're doing?" Zelos shouted.

All eyes turned towards us. "Link!" Navi screamed, "Save me!"

"Chosen One!" The girls called out.

"Heyyy~ Hunny. I missed you," Zelos said as he winked into the crowd. The girls all swooned and fainted, believing the wink was meant for them.

I walked up to Navi's cage and unlocked it.

"You can't do that!" The Pope screamed.

I kicked his shins and walked away.

Zelos glared evilly at the Pope. "Trying to remove my title...I've got to say, you've gotten pretty desperate. Anyways, here's a letter from the King ordering you to free Link's friend." he tossed the letter at the pope. "And also, I'm placing you under arrest for trying to turn people against me." As he said this, the King's soldiers came in to arrest the Pope.

"You can't do this!" The Pope cried.

Zelos smiled, "I believe I just did."

Then, we walked out of the church.

Zelos led us to the gates of Meltokio. "That got pretty dramatic in there." He said as he chuckled.

I smiled, "Thanks for saving Navi."

"No problem"

Navi tackled Zelos while chirping, "Thank you so much! You saved me!"

I grabbed Navi's wings and out a hand over her mouth. "So where do we go now?"

"We go to Sybak now."

Me: I feel good now.

Zelos: Why? Because you finally updated?

Me: Hell no! Well, sorta... But it's more 'cuz I finally beat the girl ranking first in doubles in tennis.

Zelos: How?

Me: She was paired up with the worst girl in our camp.

Zelos: I see now...

Me: Yup; and the coach says I have an extremely high chance into making the girl's varsity tennis team in high school.

Zelos: Great job hunny! *hugs*

Me: *hug back* Yay! And BTW, Malo's coming back starting from the next chapter.

Zelos: Wait, what? First the Hotties list, now this? What is- *gets whacked with a kendema*

Me: That's right. I bought a kendema. It's sort of like a Japanese paddle-ball.

Zelos: *sigh* then, for the last time: Please review.


	8. Are We There Yet?

Me: Hey guys! I'm back with a quick update!

Malo: About time!

Me: Yay! You're back! *hugs* First off, I want to give BIG Congrats to my BFFL, Clawd, who got student of the year at our school! Congratulations Bud!

Malo: Colette's a Bimbo would like to thank TiFu, Link Fangirl01, melodyhina123, BigBossofMoss, and Mr. light Chicken Bulbs for reviewing.

Me: Thanks so much guys! My week's been crappy, but your reviews cheered me right up!

I do not own Tales of Symphonia, Legend of Zelda, Linkin Park, or Tales of Symphonia Knight of Ratatosk. If I did, the Pope from ToS would be thrown into the coliseum... Hey~ Not a bad idea *wink*

Malo: Enjoy!

**Tales of Hey Listen**

**Chapter Eight: Are We There Yet?**

"I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves; everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves. I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, and this is how it goes~ Everybody! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves. What? Everybody's nerves. Who! Everybody's nerves. Hey! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, and this is how it goes~" Navi sang.

"Happy thoughts; happy thoughts. Happy place; happy place. Pay no attention to the annoying puffball next to you," I muttered to myself.

We were on our merry way to Sybak for about an hour now. Navi decided to start singing to help lighten our 'adventuring souls.' Naturally, this got on everybody's nerves.

"Navi dear, will you please be quiet?" Zelos asked sweetly.

Navi somehow stuck her tongue out at the redhead and continued to sing.

Zelos sighed, then took out an MP3 player from his pocket.

"Zelos, where did you get that?" I asked.

"The authoress gave it to me as a way of saying sorry for replacing me as the muse." He nonchalantly said as he flipped through his songs.

I screamed like a sissy, ducked, and covered my head; waiting for lightning to strike. Strangely, nothing happened.

"She also allowed me to break the fourth wall without any consequences for a few chapters." He said.

I smiled. "Yay! So authoress lady, can you also give me an MP3 player, too? Please?" I screamed at the sky.

Lightning fell from the sky and struck me.

"I said _I _could break the fourth wall without consequences. _You_ can't." The pink clad chosen said. Then, he said to Regal, "Hey, I downloaded some Linkin Park songs yesterday. Want to listen?"

"YES!" Regal screamed. Soon, Regal and Zelos were lost in their own little world, listening to music.

I turned to face Presea. "So it's you and me, huh?"

Presea was also in her own little world, whittling wood.

I sighed. "Great, I'm all by myself. Could this get any worse?"

As if on cue, Navi started to sing again. "A hundred bottles of milk on the wall, a hundred bottles of milk~ Link chugs one down, I thrash him around, ninety-nine bottles of milk on the wall! Ninety nine bottles of milk on the wall, ninety nine bottles of milk~ Link chugs one down, I thrash him around, ninety-eight bottles of milk on the wall! Ninety eight bottles of milk on the wall, ninety eight bottles of milk~ Link chugs one down, I thrash him around, ninety-seven bottles of milk on the wall! Ninety seven bottles of milk on the wall, ninety seven bottles of milk~ Link chugs one down, I thrash him around, ninety-six bottles of milk on the wall! Ninety six bottles of milk on the wall, ninety six bottles of milk~ Link chugs one down, I thrash him around, ninety-five bottles of milk on the wall! Ninety five bottles of milk on the wall, ninety five bottles of milk~ Link chugs one down, I thrash him around, Ninety-four bottles of milk on the wall! Ninety four bottles of milk on the wall, ninety four bottles of milk~ Link chugs one down, I thrash him around, ninety-three bottles of milk on the wall! Ninety three bottles of milk on the wall, ninety three bottles of milk~ Link chugs one down, I thrash him around, ninety-two bottles of milk on the wall! Ninety two bottles of milk on the wall, ninety two bottles of milk~ Link chugs one down, I thrash him around, ninety-one bottles of milk on the wall!..."

I screamed.

* * *

"Forty Four bottles of milk on the wall, forty four bottles of milk~ Link chugs one down, I thrash him-" Navi suddenly stopped singing as we entered a huge bridge."Wow! This is big! Zelos, what is this?" She asked in astonishment.

Zelos took off his earphone and answered, "That my hunny, is the Grand Tethe'alla Bridge."

Halfway through the bridge, we came upon men in pink cat costumes asking us to play with them.

I walked up to one. "Wow, I love your costume. It looks so real!" I said.

"Meow. What are you talking about? Meow. What costume?" It said.

"It's obviously a costume," I said.

"Meow. No, we're a species called Katz. We're not wearing a costume."

"It's Tingle all over again," Navi muttered.

I chucked, then tried to take the costume off.

"Meow it hurts!" It cried.

"Man, this is tough! Did you glue it onto yourself or something?" I asked.

* * *

Five minutes later~

The others were trying to heal me, as I sat in a pool of blood. My blood to be exact.

"Sorry Bud, I would have helped you when the Katz began to maul you, but it was too funny."

"Shut up, I muttered."

* * *

"Negative twenty eight bottles of milk on the wall, negative-" Navi was still singing.

"Navi! We're here! Shut up!" I shrieked.

Zelos put his MP3 player away. "Wow. We're here already? It only took two pages! Awesome! Thanks authoress lady!" Zelos shouted at the sky.

"Zelos, didn't you say that Sybak was a seven day trip? You also said we would have to kill enemies on the way here to obtain money." I said.

Zelos smiled. "Navi's singing scared all the enemies. They gave us money to run away as fast as possible. We got about 564,246 gald. As for your first question, we all started running to get away from Navi's singing. Don't you remember?"

I shook my head, "I put my body on autopilot and caught up on sleep instead."

Zelos whistled. "You can do that?"

"Link," Presea whispered. "I have something for you." The pink haired girl was holding a wooden bear that was half the size of her.

I was touched. "Awww~ Presea. You didn't have to-"

She sucker punched me then whacked me on the head with the wooden bear. The bear's head broke off from its body to show a hollow opening inside.

"There's a lemon gel in the bear." Presea said.

"Owwwww..." I whined. I took the gel out and ate it, but it didn't help much; so I took out a bottle of Fairy Tears from my pack, and drank it.

"Hmm? What's that?" Zelos asked.

I finished drinking from the bottle then answered, "Fairy Tears. It heals us, and boosts our attack power in my world."

"So since the thing's called 'Fairy Tears' and Navi's a fairy, can you get more if you make her cry?" Regal asked.

"I didn't think about that before," I said as I turned to face Navi with an evil gleam in my eye.

"It won't work Link. I don't have eyes, so I can't cry," Navi said.

I groaned, "Darn it!"

Zelos patted my back, "Come on. Let's just go in."

* * *

When we entered Sybak, only one word came to mind.

"NOOOO! It's a city filled with nerds like Shad!" I screamed as I fell to my knees.

A few nerds that were passing by us shot me a glare, but I didn't notice because I had begun to cry.

Zelos and Regal helped me up, then dragged me further into the city. Soon, we were in front of a huge building.

Zelos dropped me. "Come on! Let's go in! Then, we can figure out how to get you back home to your beloved Midna!"

We were about to enter when two people exited from the building. The first was a tall man with long, red hair, and sharp looking glasses. His clothes were black and swallow tailed; along with a white shirt underneath. He wore black trousers, and brown gloves. Next to him stood a blonde teen with a cowlick wearing a white lab coat. They seemed to be discussing something.

"So we just go and awake Ratatosk?" The redhead asked.

"Yes, we ask for help and blah blah! Or else the world is screwed." the blonde replied.

Suddenly, Navi perked up and raced towards the two.

"Excuse me, but were you talking about Ratatosk just now?" She asked.

The two looked surprised; then the blonde answered, "Why yes, we were."

Navi muttered, "He might know where..." She faced the two and asked, "Is it okay if I come with you? "

"Well," the redhead started.

The blonde butted in, "Sure. I'm Aster by the way, and this is my friend Richter."

Navi glowed brighter, "I'm Navi. Pleased to meet you. These are my friends, Link, Zelos, Regal, and Presea."

We spent a few moments introducing ourselves. While they were doing that, I grabbed Navi's wing and walked a few steps away from the group.

"Navi, what do you think you're doing?" I hissed. "You're supposed to look after me or something!"

"Navi sighed. "I'm sorry Link, but I don't think you need to be babysat. Also, I finally came back here again. There's someone I need to find."

I was confused. "What do you mean by 'again'? This is our first time here."

Navi shook her head...somehow... "This is _your_ first time here, but this is my second time in this world."

I stepped back, astonished at what she had said. "So is that how you figured out how everything worked when we got here?"

Navi nodded.

I sighed in defeat. "Then, I guess I have no right to keep you here with me... I'll miss you."

Navi nodded again. "Don't worry. We'll probably see each other again. What with you and your hero antics, we will see each other again."

We went back to the group.

"Oh, hey guys. Where were you?" Zelos asked.

"Discussing stuff," I answered.

Navi flew over to Richter and Aster.

"Well, I'll be seeing you! Bye guys; and Zelos, thanks for saving me back then. You know, from the Pope and all."

Zelos beamed. "Yay! My hunny's thanking me!"

Aster, Richter, and Navi began to walk away, and soon disappeared from our sight.

"Whoa! Bud! Are you crying?" Zelos asked me.

I wiped my tears away. "No...It's just allergies. I'm allergic to nerds."

Regal rolled his eyes. "Sure you are."

"Say, why weren't you emo this chapter?" Zelos asked.

Regal got in his explanation pose. "I'm only emo whenever someone mentions Alicia now...Like I just did...now..." He took out the butter knife Zelos had given to him way back when, and started to stab himself.

I stepped away, creeped out. "The last time he did that Alicia thing was back when we were both in the Coliseum. Haha, I remember then. Navi was taken to the Pope, and we were separated. Say, I wonder what happened to the Pope?"

Zelos nodded, "Yes, I wonder"

* * *

Meltokio Coliseum~

"Please welcome our newest addition, the Pope! He has tried to overthrow the Chosen One,. And therefore was thrown into prison! Today, he will lead twelve prisoners to defeat a Penguinist! Starting now!" The MC shouted into his mike.

A lone Penguinist entered the coliseum. The Pope used one of the Prisoners as a meat shield and shouted at the others to go and kill the Penguin. It killed six prisoners before it died.

The Pope gave a sigh of relief. "Phew! I'm alive!"

The MC appeared on stage again. "Sit tight folks, because we have a special exhibition match for you! Please welcome Gaar, Meredy, and Farrah!"

* * *

Me: It was rather short, but fun. Right?

Malo: Sure it was.

Me: Please review! ^.^


	9. The Book of Zeles

Me:It feels great to be writing again!

Malo: Yeah...Of course it is,

Me: My school schedule is so busy! . I have to wake up at 5:30 and walk to school. I have a zero period advanced music class.

Malo: Who told you to take it?

Me: I did; but the class is fun so I guess its okay... BTW, bought a 3DS, Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time 3D, Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days (The KH series is pretty good if you try to ignore the Disney factor), and I got tickets to the 25th Anniversary Legend of Zelda symphony Orchestra Concert! Kyaaa! *Jumping up and down*

Malo: … I'm going to just ignore you... again... Colette's a Bimbo would like to thank anonymous, BigBossofMoss, Link Fangirl01, and TiFu for reviewing.

Me: Thanks so much guys! I also do not own Tales of Symphonia, Legend of Zelda, or Naruto. If I did, Lloyd would have better fashion sense (really, suspenders?), Link would say bad-ass stuff while beating up enemies (Like Cloud in Kingdom Hearts ^.^). And Sasuke would have a cow thrown on him ;))

* * *

**Tales of Hey Listen!**

**Chapter 9: The Book of Zeles**

"A hundred wood carving knives on the stool. A hundred wood carving knives~"

I closed my eyes and growled in frustration. Did the fairy have an 'off' switch on her? "Will you shut the hell up?" I screamed.

The singing immediately stopped. I sighed in relief...until I remembered that Navi had left...which meant...

I opened my eyes to face a very peeved-looking Presea. She had her giant-ass ax in her hand, and her glare would have made Andorran run crying to his mom.

"Please don't kill me! I'm so sorry!" I screamed as I wet myself, got into a fetal position, and began to cry.

Presea put her ax away and returned to whittling wood.

Zelos helped me up. "Aww~ Link's crying because he's scared of a twelve year old girl. I mean, his "nerd allergies" are back," he said in a taunting voice. Passing nerds-I mean, students and Professors, shot us a glare.

"Ah~ Here we are. The Sybak Academy's library," the redhead announced as he herded us into a room filled with books; so many books, it would have made Shad cry in happiness. The library was filled with rows of bookshelves filled with books of different sizes, shapes, and color. There were tables and chairs in the middle of the room, along with a card catalog in the back of the library. However, the most beautiful part of the room was the breathtaking mural drawn onto the window at the side of the place. It has huge, about twice the size of me. It showed a woman with green hair in a simple green dress holding her hand out.

"That woman is the Goddess Martel," Regal said. "It is said that she stopped the Kharlan War."

"Wow. What happened to her?" I asked.

"She descended onto the heavens and told the angels-" Regal continued.

I held up my hand. "Never mind. I don't want to know." I said.

Zelos cleared his throat then said in the best MC voice he could muster, "Welcome to the library. Now fan out and look for any books that might help Link."

My jaws dropped. "This will take forever! There's got to be over a million books in here!"

Presea threw a book at me. "Oh shut up. We're doing this for you anyways."

Regal added, "Come on. One million starts with one, right? … ...but what about the 999,999 books that follow! We'll never get though it all!" He screamed.

I nodded. "For once, I agree with Regal..." I looked up at the ceiling and screamed, "Yo! Authoress! Help! Now!"

I waited a few moments, but nothing happened.

Zelos snorted. "Heh. She's lost her touch. Never here when we need her most. Well, she's one person I don't have to woo! Ya' hear me!"

At the moment, Presea sneezed, which surprised Regal, which caused him to bump into me, which caused me to stumble into a bookshelf, causing it to wobble, and finally, a thick, blue book fell on Zelos's head.

"Ow! What the heck?" Zelos exclaimed. He read the title of the book to us, "You're going to Regret it Someday, A Romance Novel by Gethitbyatruckforall I. Care." He blinked twice then screamed, "That didn't even sound like a real name!"

A large yellow book fell on him. "Oww...," he whined, before reading the title to us, "Why Screaming at the Sky is Hazardous to Your Health by Getal Ife."

Zelos screamed "You do it too! Plus, you don't have a life either!" Then he threw the book out the window. The book broke Martel's thumb and pointing finger in the mural as it broke through.

Presea threw a book at Zelos. "Congratulations. You just broke a sacred mural to Martel. May the Goddess curse you."

"Oh! Can I ask the authoress a question?" Regal asked. When no one replied, he screamed, "If we disrespect you, what will you do to us?"

A small red book fell on Regal's head and bounced off, but he didn't seem fazed. He just reached down, grabbed the book and said, "The answer is...Why You Shouldn't Anger the Authoress by Sheila Tack... ...I don't get it. She just repeated my question."

I face palmed. "Regal, she sent her answer through the author's name."

Regal cocked his head. "Sheila Tack? How's that an answer? That's just the name of my secretary."

This time, Zelos face palmed. "Sheila Tack! Say it fast! It turns into She'll attack!"

Regal nodded. "Oh! I see now!"

"She wouldn't really attack us, right?" I asked.

Zelos put his arm around my shoulders. "The world may never know, Bud!" He laughed, but stopped abruptly. "My wallet's gone!" he shouted.

"What?" I exclaimed. Sure enough, there was a hole in his pocket. "Weren't you looking after all of our money?" I asked.

The chosen nodded slowly...

"NOOO! " I screamed as I banged my head against a bookshelf. A book fell before my feet. I read the title:Sucks To Be You by U. R. Nicked.

Presea advanced upon Zelos with a big, fat, thick, heavy book. She then proceeded to whack him silly with it while kicking his ribs.

I couldn't watch as my friend got pummeled to a pulp so I cried, "Oh great authoress, Zeles! Please take pity upon your favorite character!" Immediately, a book fell in front of Presea. I looked over her shoulder and read the title to everyone, "Easy Money by Robin Banks" The girl paused. "Well, I was thinking of something more legal, but..." She took the book over to a comfy looking rocking chair located at the corner of the library and began to read.

I forced a glass of Fairy Tears down Zelos's throat then helped him up. "We've wasted enough time. Let's begin searching!" I said as I began to speedily leaf through a shelf. I stopped when two books caught my eyes. "Hey guys! Look at these books I found! I really think it's going to help in our journey later on!"

"What are they called?" Regal asked.

I lifted one of the books. It was a brilliant gold and shimmered in the light. "This one's called Defeating Gay Fairies by Iva Dunnit." I held up the second one, which was a dazzling silver. "The second one's called Navigating Neifelheim by Helen Back. I just have this strange, tingly feeling that it'll be important somehow."

Zelos looked at it then stuck his tongue out. "Those are probably just scams set up by the authoress. Here's what you do with these."

He took the two books from my hands and tossed them though the window. The books broke through Martel's pinky and ring ringer in the mural, making it seem like she was giving you the middle finger.

"Awesome Goddess they've got," I muttered under my breath.

"What was that?" Zelos asked.

I glared at him. "I swear, if I find out those books could have helped us, I'll kill you in such a violent manner, Zeles won't even be able to write about it."

Zelos just laughed. "I found some good books too! This one's called How to Win Over that Banshee by Eve L. Spirit. The second one's called Make Out Paradise by Jiraiya. Now these will surely help us, or me anyways."

My eyes began to twitch. I was about to throttle the redhead, but Regal popped in between us.

"Hey guys! I'm hungry. Aren't you hungry? We should get some lunch. I'm thinking soup. How about some sandwiches?-" He said.

Presea looked up from her book and said, "Alicia."

Regal immediately took out his butter knife and began to stab himself while muttering, "My fault she died. I killed her. I'm so sorry. Don't deserve to live. I killed Alicia..."

Presea suddenly stalked up to Regal and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. She growled out, "Did you just say you killed a girl named Alicia?"

Regal gulped. "Yes..."

Presea glared. "Did she happen to have pink hair, and was her last name 'Combatir'?"

Regal wet himself. "Yes..."

Presea screamed then dragged Regal out of the room by his hair. "YOU MURDERED MY SISTER!" She yelled.

"Should we help him?" I asked.

Zelos shook his head. "Nah~ How much damage could a twelve year old do to a grown man?"

Suddenly, stabbing noises were heard from outside, followed by Regal screaming, "I think that's my lungs! Yup, definitely my lungs! No! My kidney! Oh well, I have another one. No! My other kidney! Meh, it's not that important."

I face palmed.

Regal continued to scream, "My heart! My heart! Don't rip that out!" This was followed by a ripping noise.

I faced Zelos. "That's what a twelve year old can do to a grown man."

Zelos put his arm around my shoulders again. "Don't worry. In our world, organs aren't that important anyways."

At the moment, Regal dragged himself into the room and Presea followed close behind. By some strange miracle, Regal wasn't bloody at all.

"Dude, how are you not bleeding?" I asked Regal, amazed.

"Idunknow," he moaned.

Presea dropped a bloody organ on the floor. "It's either because I ripped out his heart so that he couldn't pump any more blood, or because this fic is rated 'T'."

I stared at her for a while then shook my head. "Didn't you know that he killed your sister? Wasn't that why you always tormented him?"

The pink head shrugged. "Nope. I just liked to hear his pleas for mercy."

I didn't have time to linger on that topic because at the moment, Zelos shouted, "I FOUND IT!" He dragged a thick purple book with golden pages over to where we were standing. On the cover, in silver letters, was the title:Convenient Plot holes for Dummies: Volume 8, Sending Dummies Back Home by Zeles.

Zelos opened the book to a page and began to read, "There are many ways to get a nincompoop back home. One way is to get to the heart of Neifelheim. There is a portal there that will take you anywhere you wish. However, it is very hard to navigate Neifelheim, but if you have a book on how to do it, it'll be a cinch."

I glared daggers at Zelos as Presea throttled him.

"There's more! There's more!" he screamed.

Presea threw him on the floor and continued to read, "Another way is to make a pact with all the summon spirits, which will allow you to make a pact with Origin, the King of Summon Spirits. Afterward, you can get your hands on the Eternal Sword and send your nimrod back to his world. Along the way you might have to kill an emo man and a gay fairy. Best of lucks. For more information, please see Convenient Plot holes for Dummies: Volume 6, Defeating Gay Fairies and Convenient Plot holes for Dummies: Volume 3, Navigating Neifelheim."

As soon as she finished reading she kicked the redhead, who was in a fetal position, in the ribs.

"Whoa! Presea! Stop!" I said. Then I approached Zelos and whacked him upside the head. "Congrats on making our journey a hell of a lot harder." I sat on the floor next to Zelos. "Darn. How am I going to get my money now?"

"Easy. We'll just go and make pacts. I'll do everything in my power to help." Zelos said.

"That's what I'm afraid of," I muttered under my breath.

"What was that?" Zelos asked.

I gave a fake laugh. "Nothing...and yeah. I guess."

Regal suddenly jumped up. "Hey! I think my organs regenerated!" Presea went over and knocked Regal against a bookshelf. A book fell on Zelos, bounced off his head, and landed in my hands.

"What the?" I said. Then I screamed and nearly fainted as I read the title:Coming Soon: A Self-Insert Filler by Isa Comin.

Slowly, my companions began to faint as they saw the title. Suddenly, the door to the library opened and a young scholar girl with short, raven hair and red glasses entered the room. As soon as she saw the mess we had made in the room, she fainted. I stared at the book and said "What the heck?" then fainted as well.

* * *

Me: Hope you enjoyed that! ^.^ Now, I have some really bad news.

Malo: Oh no.

Me: I've got a lot of advanced classes this year, which means I have to actually study...

Malo: I don't like where this is going...

Me: In short, I'm going on hiatus.

Malo: NOOO!

Me: I'll post the self-insert filler on my birthday, second week of October, but I won't be updating this until Thanksgiving or Christmas.

Malo: WHY!

Me: Hopefully, I'll be able to finally write the one-shots I've promised my friends, and when I come back, I'm going to try really hard to post at least one chapter per week.

Malo: *sobbing on floor*

Me: I am so sorry for this.

Malo: Please...*blows nose* review... *goes back to crying*

Me: Oh, and I finally found out my Wi-fi password, so if you want to VS. me in Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Mariokart Wii, Pokemon White, Black, Pearl, Diamond, or Platinum, or you want my friend code on 3DS, leave a review or send a PM.

Until next month, Zeles is out~


	10. Get Lost

Me: Woohoo! Ten-thousand years can leave a crick in your neck!

Malo: Oh Goddesses. You're back!

Me: Yep! I read this Legend of Zelda self insert I wrote for my "I entered the forest" essay back in sixth grade and I was like "I NEED TO UPDATE! TO THE COMPUTER!"

Malo: *hugs me* Never leave again. Please.

Me: Hehe. Feeling the love! / I am so sorry this took forever to post! I was going to post this chapter on 10/7, but stuff happened and I never got to writing it. Also, today is the one year anniversary of Tales of Hey Listen! I would like to thank EVERYONE for reading this fic! I apologize for never updating, and I'm going to try to post at least (hopefully more) one chapter every month!

Malo: Colette's a Bimbo would like to thank Link Fangirl01, BigBossOfMoss, TiFu, and RubyLust for reviewing.

Me: I do not own Legend of Zelda or Tales of Symphonia! If I did, all of the ToS characters would keep their Japanese voice acting! ~Sigh~ Lloyd would sound like Serge from Arc Rise Fantasia then~ ^.^ T-Hee. Hehehe. /

Malo: Um...Are you feeling okay?

Me:Of course I'm okay! Let's start the chapter! Oh yeah, the first half of the chapter is a self insert-filler. Sorry, couldn't resist. After this chapter and I'm not going to break the fourth wall as much as I can!... Gambare desu!

* * *

**Tales of Hey Listen!**

**Chapter Ten: Get Lost**

"Hello? Link? Wake up! I'm getting tired of this. Don't make me eat all the cake by myself!" a voice said from above me.

I jumped up and started looking around frantically. "CAKE? Where's the cake?" I screamed.

A girl slightly shorter than me smiled when she saw me awake. She stuck her tongue out and said, "The cake was a lie. I just said that to wake you up."

I groaned then fell back on the floor. Unfortunately, there was a book in the way and I ended up injuring myself instead.

"Eek. That must've hurt... Are you alright?" The girl asked.

I rubbed my eyes. "Yeah, I'm good. Who are you anyways?" I asked.

The girl gave an impish grin. "Why, I'm Zeles."

I screamed then fainted again.

"Hey bud! Wake up!" Zelos's voice shouted as he poked me with a stick.

I groaned then woke up again. I rubbed my head and muttered, "Zelos, I had the weirdest dream ever. The authoress just appeared out of nowhere and she told me the cake was a lie then-"

"That wasn't a dream," a small voice whispered from behind Zelos.

Zelos moved aside so that I could see the girl again. "Link, say hello to the authoress."

I screamed as I got a good look at her. She seemed to be 5'2''. She was wearing skinny jeans, green legwarmers, black converse, a Legend of Zelda 25th Anniversary T-Shirt, navy colored fingerless gloves, and purple glasses. She had long black hair tied into a high ponytail, and a slightly tanned face. I didn't have time to wonder about why I cared about all of this because she suddenly started to jump up and down.

"OMFG! I am your number one fangirl Link! Hug me!" She screamed.

I screamed even more and began to run away. Unfortunately for me, Regal was knocked out on the library floor, and I tripped on him.

Zeles casually walked up to me with her hands in her pocket. She yawned then said, "You should have enjoyed that. That's the only time you'll ever see me like that." She stuck out her hand and said, "Zeles, pleased to meet you."

I awkwardly shook her hand. "Uh...Link...Nice to meet you too."

She helped me off the floor then dragged me over to where Presea and Zelos were sitting.

"Okay guys! So me, being the lazy ass, decided that I'm going to help you on your journey a bit. 'Why?' you ask? Because I'm a nice girl and I need some good karma right now." She said the last part sarcastically. "So I am going to answer one question for each of you, give you all a hint on what to do, then leave. Does anyone have any questions?" She asked.

Zelos raised his hand and asked, "Are there any side effects to your generosity?'

She smirked again. "No, but you just wasted your one question."

Zelos face palmed then shouted, "That's not fair! You asked if we had questions!"

Zeles shrugged. "All's fair in life and games...or love and war...or something." She pondered on the subject for a while.

"How did Alicia die?" Presea asked.

Zeles looked up from her pondering then she seemed to think for a moment. "I'm not sure if I remember correctly, but Regal's butler sold Alicia off to a creeper that looked like a turtle. He turned Alicia into an exeb...exa...exebue... a big green monster then gave her back to Regal. She begged Regal to kill her and he did. It's like some sappy love story in those cheesy dramas."

Presea nodded. "I see...So the one I need to kill is not Regal, but his butler."

Zeles smiled as she nodded then handed Presea a black notebook. "That, my dear Presea, is a Death note. Just think about the person you want to kill then write down their full name in it. In forty seconds, they will die. Have fun."

I face palmed. "Zeles, you do realize you just gave a weapon of mass destruction to a twelve year old sadist right?" I asked.

The authoress just blinked then shrugged. "Yeah, I did realize that. I also realized that was your one question! Wow! You're pretty dumb in this story aren't you?" She said in a chirpy voice. She quickly followed it up with a, "Just kidding!"

I breathed a sigh of relief. "So I can still ask my question?" I asked.

Zeles face palmed then answered, "Not anymore. You just asked a another question."

"Hey hey! What about me? Can I also ask a question?" Regal, who seemed to have woken up, asked as he came towards us.

Zeles face palmed then muttered, "Why am I surrounded by idiots?..." She looked up at Regal then simply said, "The butter knife is in Zelos's left pocket."

Regal beamed then began to beat up Zelos until the redhead gave him the coveted butter knife.

"So, the only person who got her question answered was Presea..." I mused. "What about the hint you were talking about?" I asked.

She flipped her hair back then answered in a rather carefree voice, "Get lost. Okay? Have fun!" In a poof of smoke she disappeared. The Death note in Presea's hand also disappeared.

"Aww...I only wrote twenty nine names in their..." Presea mutteredin a sad voice.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I realized I didn't have a last name. Then, I growled in frustration as I realized that Zeles had just flipped me off.

"Well, that was a waste of time," Zelos mused. "I didn't have time to get touchy-touchy with her either." He whined.

I facepalmed then whacked him upside the head.

"So, did she tell you anything important?" Regal asked as he handed Zelos the butter knife back.

"Not really," I began. "She just told me to get lost then left."

Regal sighed. "Well, let's get out of here then."

* * *

"Zelos, isn't that the same dead mouse we passed five minutes ago? And that's the same trail of blood we passed a minute ago...Why would a school have a trail of blood on the floor?... ...Admit it, you're lost," I whined. Zelos had been leading us around the academy for the past fifteen minutes, and it seemed obvious that we were lost.

"No, no, we just have to go past this dark and ominous hallway," the redhead started as he marched ahead. I rolled my eyes then followed him. I had to squint my eyes as we continued through the hallway because the lights seemed to get dimmer. Soon, we were surrounded by darkness.

"Zelos, if I can see you right now, I would set you on fire," I threatened.

"Oh! I've got an idea! Let's use some fire magic to light the way!" Regal shouted.

I could picture Presea rolling her eyes as she stated, "Using fire magic in an academy would set the whole place on fire."

"I- hey, I feel a door! Let's enter it!" Zelos exclaimed as he opened a door.

We entered the room and heard a gasp from the inhabitant of the room.

"Who's there?" a female voice asked quickly.

"Um, can you turn on the light? I can't see anything," I said.

Someone lighted a candle and it was then that I could see. The room was very small, and almost everything was shrouded in darkness. There were a few desks with notes and expensive looking machines on them. It seemed that the door we had entered through was the only entrance to the room, unless there was a door behind the bookshelf; but that didn't seem plausible.

"Who are you and how did you get in here?" a girl wearing a white lab coat-looking dress, wiry glasses, and green hair in a bun asked.

"I'm sorry, we got lost," I started. As soon as I said this, my eyes grew wide. "Guys! We were lost! The authoress told us to get lost! Don't you get it! She actually gave us a hint!" I shouted. I began to do my happy dance. While I was doing this, Presea snapped a few pictures, sold them on ebay, and became an instant billionaire.

"Aren't you Tethe'alla's chosen one?" the girl asked as she stared at Zelos in disbelief.

The narcissist smiled and flipped his hair. "I see that even down here in the basement people have still heard of me."

I rolled my eyes then answered the girl's first question. "My name's Link. We were looking for a way out of the academy but we got lost. Sorry. Oh, and this is Zelos, Regal, and Presea," I said as I introduced everyone.

"Oh my gosh! It's Presea!" She shouted to the other person, who we didn't notice until then, in the room. He also wore a lab coat-looking...dress...and he also had green hair. In addition, he looked like Spock from _Star Trek_...

"Um...if you wouldn't mind me asking, how do you know her?" I asked the girl as I wished I knew what her name was.

"My names Kate," she answered, as if reading my mind. "I know Presea because... well, we tested on her a long time ago. We were trying to create a Cruxis crystal, but we failed."

I nodded and acted like I understood everything. Then, I stopped her, "Kate, it's great to learn about everyone's pasts, but let's put the past behind us and move onto the future. In other words, how do we get out of here?"

Kate blinked. "But don't you want to learn about why we're stuck down here and how you can get Presea's personality back?"

I shook my head. "I can honestly care less about," I started to say, but the girl cut me off.

"We're stuck down here because we're half elves. We are forced to research things and it's been a while since we've seen the light of day. It wasn't always like this. Until two weeks ago, we were as free as a bird. Then, the King suddenly passed a law saying all half-elves should be discriminated. So here we are." Kate droned on.

"Oh great, I've got another Navi! She just wants to talk about her past. Sooner or later she's going to say-" I said.

"Hey listen! Hello! Are you listening to me?" Kate asked. "I'm in the middle of explaining about Presea!"

I sighed. "Okay, Kate, it's been nice meeting you and Spock, but we've got important matters. We have to leave, so if you can point to a door, we'll be on our way."

"If you can cure Presea, she'll stop being a sadistic little kid." Spock said.

I immediately sat down on a chair and smiled. "So, how can you fix her?"

Zelos sat down next to me. "And please skip the explanation of how she came to be. Just tell us how to fix her. We really don't like being locked in a dark place with suspicious people."

Kate opened her mouth to speak, paused, though, then began to talk, "Um...to fix Presea...go into a dark and creepy forest everyone tells you not to enter. Soon, you'll come upon Altessa's house. Go in and show him Presea. He should make you a key-crest that will get you Presea's life back."

I got up then waved. "Well, thank you for the information. We'll be leaving now."

"Please, help Presea," Kate said.

I nodded. "Don't worry! We will! We don't like being bullied by a kid half our size."

I was almost at the door when Kate shouted, "Don't you want to use our awesome secret door behind the bookshelf?"

I jumped a foot in the air. "I knew it! I just knew there was a door behind the bookshelf!"

Spock rolled his eyes then opened the door, behind the bookshelf, for us. "Tell freedom I said hi," he said before going back to his research.

"Can't you just leave?" I asked him.

"It's not in my programming," he said before melting into the darkness.

"I don't like this place," Presea muttered. She took out her ax, split a desk in two, then exited through the door.

"Um...that's not our problem!" I shouted as I ran out.

"I am not paying for that!" Regal screamed as he chased after me.

Kate glared at Zelos. "You are going to pay for that, right?"

Zelos gave a shaky laugh. "How about I treat you to lunch instead?"

She glared at him even more and he ran out.

"I'm sorry!" We (by we, I meant the males) all shouted behind us.

* * *

"It lead us out a manhole," Zelos muttered. "I, the Great Zelos Wilder, have been lowered to traveling though manholes!"

"Oh shove it," I told him. "Let's get Presea fixed up. I don't want her injuring us throughout our journey."

"Why am I helping you in the first place?" Zelos thought to himself.

"OH NO!" Regal suddenly shouted. "We forgot Bob in there!"

"Who?" I asked.

"You know, Bob! He's about as tall as me! He has red hair, wears pink, uses a dagger to fight! He looks like a girl from behind!" He shouted as he made hand motions to match his descriptions.

I raised an eyebrow. "Don't you mean Zelos?" I asked quizzically.

Presea looked up from carving wood and answered, "Bob's his imaginary friend. I murdered him after I grew bored of hearing his pathetic pleas of mercy."

I shuddered. I tensed when Presea walked up to me.

"Link," Presea began. "I'm really sorry about the wooden bear I gave you a while back. It wasn't very nice. So, I made this for you as a way to apologize," she said as she handed me a wooden llama.

"Awww, Presea, you didn't have to do that," I said.

"I also made one for Zelos and Regal," she said as she handed a wooden narwhal to Zelos, and a large wooden butter knife to Regal.

"Oh, and I put some lemon gels inside," she said as she walked away.

I froze as I remembered what had happened the last time she had put gels in her creations.

"Link, is it just me, or am I hearing a ticking noise?' Zelos asked.

At that moment, the wooden animals (and butter knife) blew up in our faces.

"YES! I FEEL THE PAIN!" Regal shouted in glee.

* * *

Me: Yay! Chapter ten, complete! Sorry it was short! Okay, I've got a quick question.

Malo: Yes, it is weird that you're going to go watch Beauty and the Beast 3D with your friends right now.

Me: O.o … ...You did not hear that... … What I was going to ask was if you'd rather have me write short chapters, but update more, or write longer chapters, but take a while longer to update.

Malo: Short but quick is better! I get more screen time then!

Me: -.-, … ...Please review!

Malo: She's seriously watching Beauty and the Beast though!

Me: I blame Kingdom Hearts!

Me: Yay! Chapter ten, complete! Sorry it was short! Okay, I've got a quick question.

Malo: Yes, it is weird that you're going to go watch Beauty and the Beast 3D with your friends right now.

Me: O.o … ...You did not hear that... … What I was going to ask was if you'd rather have me write short chapters, but update more, or write longer chapters, but take a while longer to update.

Malo: Short but quick is better! I get more screen time then!

Me: -.-, … ...Please review!

Malo: She's seriously watching Beauty and the Beast though!

Me: I blame Kingdom Hearts!


	11. Into the Rabbit Hole-ErForest

Me: As promised, a new chapter before winter break ends! :D

Malo: I'm going to bet a million rupees that you're not going to update until 2014 after this -.-

Me: Hehe... seems likely... … Anyways~ Thanks to TiFu, Link Fangirl01, and melodyhina123, for reviewing! I love you all so much!

Malo: Colette's a Bimbo does not own Legend of Zelda, Tales of Symphonia, Harry Potter, or Portal. If she did-

Me: Lloyd would be forced to wear Zelos's clothes for 75% of the game! 6.6 *thumbs up*

Malo: *Facepalms*

Me: Enjoy~~~

* * *

**Tales of Hey Listen!**

**Chapter Eleven: Into the Rabbit Hole-Er...Forest**

"Come on! It's just a dark and creepy forest that reeks of death and decay. We'll be through it in no time!" I said cheerfully as I tried to convince (meaning shove) Regal and Zelos to enter the Gaoracchia Forest.

Zelos flailed his arms around and then latched onto my shoulder. He stared straight into my eyes as he said, "Bud! Didn't you hear the legends? The souls of the dead linger in the forest and kill naïve travelers who pass through! When those travelers die, they join the dead, and the army of souls patiently wait for their next victims!" Zelos narrated the children's fairy tale in an eerie voice.

"Shut up! It's just a story! A story parents tell their kids so they don't bother them from nine to seven!" I shouted as I shoved the redhead off my shoulder. I turned to Regal who was looking sane for once-and asked, "Any _good _reasons as to why you won't enter?" I quickly added, "Emphasis on good."

Regal merely shrugged and said, "I don't know, Link. I have this strange feeling that if I didn't meet you I would have been sent out along with a load of convicts under my command to try and kill a male brunette with gravity defying hair along with a clumsy blonde girl in that very forest. However, they would have beaten me and taken me along with them. Later, they would have tied me to a tree and a twelve-year-old girl with gravity defying pink pigtails would have tried to kill me with her ax until her dead sister came back from the grave and gave her a hug." He took a huge breath as he finished.

I cocked an eyebrow and mentally beat myself up with a purple pineapple. I finally gathered up my courage and asked, "Just where do you come up with these ideas?"

Before Regal could answer me, Presea walked up to me and muttered, "I'm bored. Let's assume he gets his ideas from Mr. Butter knife and focus on me instead." She gave a maniacal (yet cute) smile then uttered the forbidden word: "Alicia." Not a second passed before Regal tackled Zelos to the ground, stole his dagger-"Hey! Give me my dagger back!"-, and began to stab himself while chanting, "Don't deserve to live. I'm so sorry Alicia. I don't deserve to live. I'm so sorry Alicia. I don't deserve to live..."

I groaned and turned to Presea. "Presea! I thought we agreed on this! The deal was that if I bought you the new Octagonal Turtle Action Figure-which I did-you weren't allowed to mention you-know-who around Regal!"

Zelos suddenly dropped in on our conversation, "Are you guys talking about Lord Voldemort?" He whispered. Then he gasped and clamped a hand over his mouth. "Oh no. I've uttered his name! Hide me!"

Suddenly, a large black void appeared above us and a deadly pale man (might I add that he didn't have a nose) wearing what seemed like black rags stepped out. "Who dares to speak Lord Voldemort's name!" He hissed as his snake slithered around him.

"Oh no. Not another one of these losers!" I said as I stabbed him with the Master Sword. Strangely, nothing happened.

"Um, Mr. Lord Voldemort sir, may I please ask why the sword of evil's bane isn't making you, I don't know, burn into a pile of ashes as your soul hisses in pain?" Zelos asked in an innocent voice.

Voldemort looked at us like we were crazy. "I'm not evil! I'm just a man that's trying to create a safer world for snakes! That Harry Potter boy just decided to twist the story around so that he would look like a hero! Didn't you hear about the PETS yet? People for the Ethical Treatment of Snakes? I started that."

Zelos shrugged and said, "Oh well. Too bad I still don't like you." Then, he kicked Voldemort back into the black void and threw his snake in after him.

"So, when did we decide on never speaking of Voldemort near Regal?" Zelos asked.

I face palmed then screamed, "No! Why would I talk about a guy that's wanted by the PETU?" When I was met with a blank look, I quickly muttered, "People for the Ethical Treatment of Unicorns, duh..."

Presea rolled her eyes then continued our conversation, " Zelos, Link is obviously talking about _her._"

Zelos's eyes grew big as he shouted, "OH! I see!" I gave a sigh of relief, but face palmed again as Zelos continued. "You're talking about GLaDOS right? Wow Regal! I didn't know you used to work for Aperture! Were you a scientist or a test subject? How did you survive the wild massacre?"

I banged my head against a piece of wood Presea was whittling. She glared then stabbed me with her carving knife before taking her wood back. I ignored the wound and screamed, "No! I'm not talking about GLaDOS!"

"Aperture Science~ We do what we must because we can~" Presea sang.

I covered my ears as I cried out, "Presea! Please! Do not sing that! You're going to get it stuck in my head!" I desperately tried to ignore her, but the pink-haired girl continued.

"For the good of all of us~ Except the ones who are dead~" She was soon joined by Regal, Zelos, then the talking animals of the forest... After the chorus finished singing the animals grumbled then walked back into the forest while mumbling something along the lines of: "Back home to become slaves for that wicked witch, Snow White." Presea waved at the animals as they left, leaving me to wonder how the girl was soulless.

"So back to the problem at hand," Zelos started. I cried tears of joy. I thought he meant he would accompany me into the forest. However, those tears of joy quickly dried up as he continued, "Why shouldn't we talk about GLaDOS around Regal? Was the cake a lie?"

I couldn't take it anymore. "IT'S ALICIA! WE SHOULD NOT TALK ABOUT **ALICIA** NEAR REGAL! IF WE SO MUCH AS SPEAK **ALICIA'S** NAME, REGAL GOES EMO! IT'S **ALICIA COMBATIR** WE SHOULD NOT TALK ABOUT!" As soon as I uttered her name Regal started stabbing himself while muttering about atoning for his sins.

Zelos tsked at me and said, "Bud, why did you mention her name? Now our dear Regal is being emo again."

I shook my head and announced, "You know what? You three can sit here and continue to achieve nothing in life. I'm going to go and ask someone past the forest if there's another way to Altessa's house. It seems obvious that I wear the pants in this group!"

Presea cocked her head and said, "But you wear a skirt... Regal and Zelos are the ones that wear pants..."

I growled in frustration and shouted, "It's a tunic; and I was being metaphorical!" With that, I turned around and valiantly marched into the forest.

"Hey Presea, do you have any cake on you?" Zelos asked. That was the last I heard before I became shrouded by trees.

* * *

"Hello? Is anyone in here?" I called out as I walked through the "haunted" forest. I could tell why people believed this forest to be haunted. There were barely enough light to see for the trees covered the sky. The mossy land reeked of death and decay. Even the animals and critters seemed to be afraid of some dark and mysterious force. As I kept walking, my foot got caught on an upturned root and I tripped, landing on my face. I groaned and was about to get up when I saw a flash of red from my left; followed by a flash of silver as a shuriken was thrown at me.

"What the he-" I shouted as I rolled out of the way. Another was thrown at me, but I managed to sidestep behind a tree. I unsheathed the Master Sword and gripped my Hylian Shield. I gave a quick scan of my surrounding, but couldn't find my assailant. "Whoever you are, come out and fight with honor!" I shouted out.

A voice resonated throughout the forest as a deep voice spoke, "Foolish half-elf! A true ninja never shows himself to his opponent."

I sheathed my sword as I grabbed the Hero's Bow and notched an arrow. "Show yourself!" I shouted again.

The voice merely scoffed then replied, "A true ninja uses the shadows in order to conceal his movement." This was followed by a shuriken swiftly being thrown at my feet. I quickly tried to locate the voice, then released an arrow.

"You must truly be a naive half-elf if you believe that you can defeat me, a master of the shadows!" The voice continued.

I sighed then shouted, "If you're not going to play fair, I'm not going to either! You can either reveal yourself or choose your demise. Would you like to get struck by lightning or get burnt to death?"

The voice laughed then replied, "Foolish half-elf! Your magic cannot affect me! A shinobi never gets struck by-"

I raised the Hylian Shield to cover myself then threw a red orb, Din's Fire, on to the forest floor which quickly caught on fire and roared through the land, even though it was covered with moss. The fire caught on to the trees and began to spread. Soon, I had a forest fire on my hands. The intimidating red flames never neared me as it burned on. I soon found my assailant as the tree he was hiding in collapsed. I couldn't see him clearly because he was wearing red ninja garb. Half of his face was covered by a black covering.

He panted as he coughed out, "Foolish half-elf! You have doomed us both! This fire will rage across the land until it engulfs the world! You have brought forth the- … what are you doing?"

I dug around my pack and fished out an empty bottle that once held fairy tears. I reached down and scooped up some of the fire into the empty bottle. Almost immediately, the fire disappeared, and the fire in my bottle transformed back into a smooth red stone. I pocketed Din's Fire into my pocket then turned to face the now-revealed ninja.

"What? How can this be? This is not possible! You! What are you?" The ninja shouted.

I pointed the Master Sword at him and glared as I growled out, "Stop calling me a half-elf. I am a Hylian from the land of Hyrule. I'm known by many names. Some may know me as the Hero of Twilight, Link. Now, who are you and why did you try to kill me?"

The ninja smirked then laughed as he said, "I will never answer to the likes of you!" However his smile immediately disappeared as I pushed the blade closer to his neck. He paled as he rapidly said, "My name is Kuchinawa! I was sent out to scout and make sure no one came hear Mizuho! I swear I didn't mean to harm travelers! I was just doing my duty to protect my village!"

I lessened the pressure on his neck as I realized all he wanted to do was protect his village. "I need to get to the other side of the forest. Can you tell me another way to get through?" I asked.

The ninja shook his head as he replied. "I don't know. I'm sorry! Please don't kill me! My wingpack's in my left pocket! You can take it, but please don't kill me!"

I stared at him then took his pack; after all, he did offer it to me. I sheathed my Master Sword and backed away from him as he slowly got up and ran off. I shrugged my shoulders as I made my way back to the group. My venture into the forest had been interesting, but worthwhile. I had gained some new items, seen Din's Fire in action, and the forest was cleared due to my burning it.

"Well, I guess I can get everyone and we can just walk through seeing as how the forest is gone now," I said cheerfully to myself. However, as soon as I said that, trees sprouted up from the ground and the charred wasteland was transformed back into the dingy and dull forest. I groaned then screamed at the sky.

* * *

Me: Is it sad that I wrote this on November 10, 2011, but I never got to typing it up... … *Breaks down and starts crying* I'm so sorry!

Malo: Please Review.

Me: I swear on my cosplay honor, I will post a new chapter before February! Also, if you asked any questions in the past reviews, can you post them again? :3 I couldn't remember whether I answered them already or not... … I'M SORRY! T.T


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